I went to a wedding that was so moving everyone was crying.
Even the cake was in tiers.
A man came back to his home one day to find his relatives crying near the house
He asked what was wrong and they told him that his wife had died and that they were preparing to bury her.
The man replied: "that's grave news!"
Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
My son was crying because his mom took his Xbox...
... so I had to console him.
The best thing to do with a crying baby is throw them in the air.
Because what goes up must calm down.
I took my son to see Santa today, but as soon as he sat on his knee he started crying. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's this job! I hate it!"
Ever wondered what to say to your sister when she’s crying ?
“Are you having a crisis ?”
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its mom and dad are in a jam
My son told me that when it rains it means God is crying.
I agreed with him and told him it was probably because of something he did.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
My 4 year old daughter came crying that she couldn't find her Barbie dolls. Apparently, my 2 year old son threw them in fire last night for fun.
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
My son came home to find me slumped over the lawn mower crying my eyes out. He shouted over the noise, "You ok, pop?!" I shouted back...
"I'm fine!! I'm just going through a rough patch!"
I felt really sad when I saw a girl on TV crying and saying, “I Miss America!”
Then someone corrected her grammar and gave her a sash and a tiara.
A bit startled, I asked, "Officer, why are you crying while writing me my ticket?” He sighed...
"It’s a moving violation!"
As a doctor, whenever I hear someone crying from the waiting room that they want to get a lollipop and go home, I think to myself
They must be a little patient.
I saw my neighbor and his family crying this morning
They just got back from a moving sale.
My friend was crying because he didn't know what to grow in his garden
I told him to grow a pear
My wife handed me a bag of dried apricots and I started crying
I had a friend who started crying and said he somehow once saw the sun rising in the west instead of the east.
He thought it was upsetting.
My toddler was having a massive tantrum until she found a grape on the floor. She ate it, and forgot why she was crying.
She was crying because she doesn't like grapes.
When I was a kid, I fell down and hurt my knee. As I sat there crying, my father came over to check on me.
Dad pointed to a red area near the top of my knee that was obviously the injury and said “where does it hurt? Is it your high knee, (then he points much lower) or your low knee?”
I respond, “it’s my high knee.”
Dad says, “it’s your heinie??! I thought you hurt your knee!”
I remember being furious. I have now pulled this one on my five year old, and I can’t wait until my one year old is old enough to be on the receiving end of it as well.
My wife dad joked me. As she was holding our crying son I said "I can take him"
She said "yeah, but don't you think you should pick on someone your own size?"
Why was the insane man crying in a phonebooth?
He was cents-less...
edit: *phone booth
Our newborn wouldn’t stop crying this morning...
My wife is trying to soothe the little fella, not sure what’s wrong.
There’s a short checklist we go through, feed, hot/cold or pooping. He has a bit of trouble when he’s trying to poop.
“What’s hurting? What do you want? Is it mouth or butt that you want?”
Me from the kitchen:
“How come I never get this question?”
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
Just saw my son crying because he doesn't know what a homophone is.
To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."
Why was Han Solo crying at the dinner table?
Because the meat was Chewie.
Me: Officer, why are you crying while writing me a ticket?
Cop: It’s such a moving violation.
“Officer, are you crying while you are writing me a ticket?”
Cop: It’s a...moving violation.
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Cop: Yes. It’s quite a moving violation.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because it's parents were in a jam
What do you call a crying sister?
What do you call a crying sister?
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis?"
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Cop: Yes. It’s quite.....a moving violation.
What do you do if your xbox is crying?
Why was the baby strawberry crying
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents were in a jam
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
What do you call a crying sister
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