I was in the bar last night when the waitress yells "Does anyone know CPR?"

I yelled back "I know all those letters!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 378
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
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A man bursts into his therapist's office and yells, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep dreaming that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"

The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 115
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jfshay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the science teacher yell to his loud class?

Science!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PuyoChild
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03 2021
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A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.

"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"

"Why?" the boy replied.

"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"

The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/winklesnad31
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the protestor yell in the German bakery?

This is stollen land!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Coupevillian
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2021
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A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells β€œyou smelt my armour!”

The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: β€œYes, and what a lovely scent it had.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2021
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We know the Panama has had its problems, and the Suez had that ship stuck recently, but my co-worker must know of another problematic waterway. Every day he yells out...

β€˜Far Canal. I hate this place’.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2021
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What do you yell at a Chinese board game tournament?

Go Team!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2021
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When driving by lowered, loud pipe cars I like to point at the air foil in the back and yell,

β€œSpoiler alert!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhoKit2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2021
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10 yr old daughter playing video games yells, β€œGIRL!”

Dad response, β€œYou know it’s true...”

Daughter laughs (she actually likes my Dad jokes... heh) πŸ™‚

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cidici
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2021
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What did Geronimo yell when he went skydiving?

Meeeeeeee!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2021
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Why did the cow yell at the car?

Because the car wouldn’t mooooove!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/daddysbrat18
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Jack yell when he angrily chopped down his favorite tree in The Nightmare Before Christmas?

Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Obrocheetah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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What did the farmer yell to the shepherds who ran away after their flocks ate all his grass?

You cow herds!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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If Dan could yell very loud

how loud would Daniel?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the janitor yell as he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/josephwb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
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My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.

I take it with a pinch of sugar.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the lawyer yell at his housekeeper?

She was filing suits.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ImClumZ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2020
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What is orange and yells β€˜I’m an orange, I’m an orange!’?

A tangerine with a superiority complex.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/olliver_with_a_twist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2020
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While swimming around, a fish hits its head on a wall and then yells out...

"Dam!!!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tombiepoo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
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The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked

now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2020
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Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells β€œit’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets

It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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Rebel yell!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe when he nearly walked into a tree?

POETRY!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 126
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lshawel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make 3 old ladies all yell profanities at the same time ?

Have a fourth one yell "BINGO"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2020
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In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..

"Where are the reinforcemints"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 400
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rictusbb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2019
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What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?

Hurry, Cain!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KemalKinali
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2020
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A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hughdman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2019
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The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Donald, Duck" anymore when the president is about to be attacked

But their grandchildren still listen, in spite of rule 4, because hearing dear old grand-da be excited about his stories is just so sweet, whether he remembers tellin them or not

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
+ 24 others

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The__Odor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the English yell before peeing on thier enemies?

Urine trouble!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/danspud69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2020
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I’m the kind of guy that would yell β€œLanguage” whenever anyone curses. My friend yelled out the F-bomb. I said β€œLanguage.” She then flipped me off.

SIGN LANGUAGE

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RolandoDR98
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack yell when the tree bent but didn't fall?

Limber!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom would always yell at me for fibbin' to her

She'd walk into my room and I'd just look at her and say "0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alpha-Cor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2020
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Mum: (yells at dad) - Why is there a bloody tennis racquet on the kitchen table??

Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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Anytime I tell a terrible joke to my kids, I walk away from them and yell it from across the room.

If they groan, I say, β€œI think I took this joke too far.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 389
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
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Wife yells from kitchen: Babe, we're almost out of trash bags...

I yelled back: Well why do you keep throwing them away?

I got a very stern look.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 315
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lboogie09
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2019
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What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?

Donald, duck!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Edgar Allan Poe is about to run into a tree. What do you yell at him?

POETRY!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1TallTXn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 81
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service aren’t allowed to yell β€œGET DOWN” anymore if the president is about to be attacked.

Instead they say, β€œDONALD, Duck!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 359
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/franz-hanz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell β€œDonald duck”!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/C3Life
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anam_Cara
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 588
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
πŸ‘οΈŽ 93
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ferrisjuulersdayoff
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 238
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Benjamingur9
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service doesn’t yell β€œGet down!” anymore when the President is about to be attacked.

They now yell β€œDonald, Duck!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 237
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CountryHeart11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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