A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.

"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"

"Why?" the boy replied.

"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"

The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winklesnad31
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells β€œyou smelt my armour!”

The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: β€œYes, and what a lovely scent it had.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
We know the Panama has had its problems, and the Suez had that ship stuck recently, but my co-worker must know of another problematic waterway. Every day he yells out...

β€˜Far Canal. I hate this place’.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you yell at a Chinese board game tournament?

Go Team!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
When driving by lowered, loud pipe cars I like to point at the air foil in the back and yell,

β€œSpoiler alert!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoKit2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
10 yr old daughter playing video games yells, β€œGIRL!”

Dad response, β€œYou know it’s true...”

Daughter laughs (she actually likes my Dad jokes... heh) πŸ™‚

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cidici
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Geronimo yell when he went skydiving?

Meeeeeeee!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the cow yell at the car?

Because the car wouldn’t mooooove!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddysbrat18
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Jack yell when he angrily chopped down his favorite tree in The Nightmare Before Christmas?

Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obrocheetah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the farmer yell to the shepherds who ran away after their flocks ate all his grass?

You cow herds!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the janitor yell as he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josephwb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If Dan could yell very loud

how loud would Daniel?

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the lawyer yell at his housekeeper?

She was filing suits.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImClumZ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What is orange and yells β€˜I’m an orange, I’m an orange!’?

A tangerine with a superiority complex.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
While swimming around, a fish hits its head on a wall and then yells out...

"Dam!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tombiepoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?

Donald, duck!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.

I take it with a pinch of sugar.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells β€œit’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets

It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Rebel yell!
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...

"Don’t wok away from me!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make 3 old ladies all yell profanities at the same time ?

Have a fourth one yell "BINGO"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe when he nearly walked into a tree?

POETRY!

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lshawel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?

Hurry, Cain!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KemalKinali
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..

"Where are the reinforcemints"

πŸ‘︎ 396
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rictusbb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m the kind of guy that would yell β€œLanguage” whenever anyone curses. My friend yelled out the F-bomb. I said β€œLanguage.” She then flipped me off.

SIGN LANGUAGE

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RolandoDR98
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the English yell before peeing on thier enemies?

Urine trouble!!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danspud69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack yell when the tree bent but didn't fall?

Limber!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Mum: (yells at dad) - Why is there a bloody tennis racquet on the kitchen table??

Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom would always yell at me for fibbin' to her

She'd walk into my room and I'd just look at her and say "0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21"

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha-Cor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Anytime I tell a terrible joke to my kids, I walk away from them and yell it from across the room.

If they groan, I say, β€œI think I took this joke too far.”

πŸ‘︎ 381
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife yells from kitchen: Babe, we're almost out of trash bags...

I yelled back: Well why do you keep throwing them away?

I got a very stern look.

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lboogie09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an angry man yells about mixing Gatorade with espresso

Tirade

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plscanunot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Pavlov is sitting at the bar, drinking a beer, when suddenly the phone rings. β€œOh shit!” he yells, jumping off the stool.

β€œI forgot to feed the dog!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the banana yell high?

It could only yellow.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a Syrian cheese monger yell all day?

Cheesekurds!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnorkelTurkey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked

now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service aren’t allowed to yell β€œGET DOWN” anymore if the president is about to be attacked.

Instead they say, β€œDONALD, Duck!”

πŸ‘︎ 353
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πŸ‘€︎ u/franz-hanz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Edgar Allan Poe is about to run into a tree. What do you yell at him?

POETRY!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1TallTXn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell β€œDonald duck”!

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C3Life
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anam_Cara
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 586
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service doesn’t yell β€œGet down!” anymore when the President is about to be attacked.

They now yell β€œDonald, Duck!”

πŸ‘︎ 239
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CountryHeart11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

πŸ‘︎ 235
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Benjamingur9
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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