If you keep shouting you might get a pony.
You might get a little hoarse.
π︎ 26
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︎ Feb 01 2021
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
π︎ 57
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, βTHE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!β
It might be farmer Geddon.
π︎ 185
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︎ Oct 23 2020
My wife was going into labor and kept frantically shouting, "Call me an ambulance! Call me an ambulance!"
So I said, "You're an ambulance."
What a strange thing to say
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 26 2020
My neighbour banged on my door at 3am, screaming and shouting hysterically, the poor fella..
Luckily, I was up practicing my drums at the time..
π︎ 24
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Saw a bunch of guys in the local department store, shouting βf#ckβ, βb#ll&cksβ, βw#nkerβ!
Then realised I was in the menswear section.
π︎ 22
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︎ Oct 25 2020
My window cleaner was banging on my window shouting and swearing!
I thought to myself: Heβs lost his rag.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 14 2020
I tried to quell a disagreement between me and my girlfriend in the shopping mall. But by the time we got to the second level we were shouting at each other.
In retrospect we shouldnβt have been on that escalator.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 30 2020
I was so angry, I was shouting at my own shadow.
In a way, I was beside myself.
π︎ 19
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︎ Jul 06 2020
My son comes up to me today and tells me heβs gay. My wife tried to stop me but I couldnβt stop myself shouting at him.
Hi gay Iβm dad. I just get so excited at every oppertunity to say it.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jul 11 2020
Prisoner tunnels out of jail and emerges in a school playground shouting βIβm freeβ!
Little girl walks up and shouts βIβm four!β
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 28 2020
My wife keeps on having disturbed dreams, shouting things like βHobbit!β, βMordor!β, and βGandalf!β...
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
π︎ 3
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︎ May 01 2020
A woman in labor started shouting, βShouldnβt, wouldnβt, canβt donβt.β The doctor turned to the husband and said,
βDonβt worry, theyβre only contractions.β
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 26 2020
What do you call an elderly man who is always shouting?
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 27 2019
This is your captain speaking. AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!!!
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 31 2019
Why smokers are not shouting on roads protesting against the vape ban?
They don't have enough lung capacity
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 20 2019
My son called excitedly from the other room, shouting, "Look dad! A fricken' ground hornbill escaped from the zoo!" Not certain about what I heard and a little upset, I asked, "What did you say!?"
He repeated, "A fricken' ground hornbill...!"
Really upset now, I stopped him mid-sentence and asked, "Who taught you how to talk like that!?"
He pointed to the TV, "It says it right there!"
I looked at the screen and read, "Two African ground hornbills escaped from their enclosure at the Honolulu Zoo in Waikiki Sunday."
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 11 2019
This guy ran up to me and started shouting "I'M A TEEPEE, I'M A WIGWAM, I'M A TEEPEE, I'M A WIGWAM!"
I replied, "Calm down sir, you're two tents!"
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 16 2019
A bloke on a tractor has just driven passed me shouting, "The end of the world is nigh."
I think it was Farmer Geddon!
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 28 2019
A rogue in labour was shouting: Can't! Can't! Can't!
Her husband: Doctor, is that...thieves cant?
Doctor: No, those are contractions.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 08 2019
Instead of shouting "timber!", lumberjacks should shout "retreet"
π︎ 24
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︎ Jan 04 2015
My daughter (after shouting at a squirrel): how do I make a squirrel run away?
Me: run over there and try to grab his nuts; he'll run.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 21 2017
My wife keeps on having disturbed dreams, shouting things like βHobbit!β, βMordor!β, and βGandalf!β...
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 01 2020
A bloke in a tractor just drove past shouting "The End is Nigh!"
I think it was Farmer Geddon.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Dec 01 2016
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