My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My girlfriend that I loved with all my heart left me while I was in the bathroom screaming with constipation.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
My neighbour banged on my door at 3am, screaming and shouting hysterically, the poor fella..
Luckily, I was up practicing my drums at the time..
Why are all the windows screaming?
Because they are in panes.
A heavily armed man runs into an estate agent....Screaming....
I heard my niece screaming that she was drowning in the bathroom. I ran quickly into the bathroom to see what was wrong.
She had a glass of water on her head and said “I’m underwater”
What do you call a 3D video call that won’t stop screaming?
A man leaps into the Doctor's office, flashlight in his mouth, both hands behind his back, screaming "It's the mawkew! Oh God the Mawkew!!...
...I fell on my awt supplies and it went stwaight up my wectum"
This guy with a hammer kept screaming like it was an emergency...
This is not a drill! This is not a drill! STOP!
.
.
.
Hammer time!
My wife turned and looked at me screaming, "Did you hear what I just said?!"
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
My beekeeping brother stumbled upon my collection of honeybee legs, screaming "What the hell is this?"
I responded, "It's none of your bee's knees."
Why was the window always screaming
This guy did make a pun at my post "why is this guy screaming at baked chicken"
I keep randomly screaming "broccoli" and "cauliflower"
The doctor says i have florets.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa; not screaming in terror like the passengers in the car he was driving.
I was screaming. It was everywhere. It was all around me.
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming “Mickey Mouse”!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked “Why did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said “I was trying to say Donald Duck!”
What did the Walmart cashier say to the screaming customer?
“It’s actually not a very civil way to communicate, yelling that is. I would quite appreciate you being more respectful for us to continue our interaction, thank you. Sir.”
I was in the store with my son and he started screaming at me, so I left him there.
Her: *screaming* "I swear if you make one more dad joke I'm leaving."
Me: smirking "Hi leaving I'm dad"
The caretaker walked into a class room and all of the kids ran out screaming. Concerned, he asked the teacher if the kids were alright. She replied...
I dressed up as Thanos and started screaming in the streets
They rushed me into the hospital with all my limbs detached, screaming in pain, but the doctor took one look at me and rolled his eyes.
“Pull yourself together.”
I was suddenly approached by a bunch of people, screaming to my face that I looked like one of the seven dwarves
Did you hear about the screaming cow?
I requested the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby.
Apparently you are not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.
Heard weird noises and screaming. Then I looked over and saw it was just a
My boy bounded down the stairs this morning, screaming, "I'm finally ten! I'm finally ten!"
He jumped in my awaiting arms and giddily gazed up at me.
I lovingly looked in to his eyes and said, "Hi finally ten! I'm dad!"
I called the police because a man was screaming about large bodies of water and outdoor storage units, but when the police arrived they couldn't arrest him, as he denied everything.
It was a real "He Said Sea Shed" situation.
One day, I heard my son screaming from the garden.
He had fallen out a tree and broken his arm. “Dad! Dad!”, he yelled, “call me an ambulance.”
I replied; “Okay son, you’re an ambulance!”
Why does the Grim Reaper ignore the screaming of his victims?
Why was the ocean screaming?
You would too if you had lobsters on your bottom!
I showed my girlfriend the screaming phone app
After she saw how it works, she thought it was aptly named.
My daughter has been frightened lately, because I've been waking up nightly, screaming from a bad dream. (It's a dream in which I'm forced to eat Indian food for every meal...)
I told her it's just a recurrying nightmare.
Daughter comes out of bathroom screaming about a beetle on the floor
Is it John, George, Paul or Ringo?
She wanted to know if it was the goats or the children screaming
I told her it was definitely the kids.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
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