Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the 'Peekaboo' virus.

Doctor's are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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Did you hear about the new high school math competition they're calling "extreme "fractioning"?

It's intenths!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacegeese
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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My youngest daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis when she was 5. That’s the same time we began calling her by her middle name, Sarah.

Her first name is Eileen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverlyGeneric75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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I tried calling the tinnitus help line.

There was no answer, it just kept ringing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LongDecision1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
The furniture store keeps calling me.

But I only wanted one nightstand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I called to speak to my doctor and the receptionist asked "May I ask who's calling?"

I replied "Yes you may, go right ahead and ask"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.

It's the Wurst-kΓ€se-scenario

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JFCBrouwer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I don't really understand the game of starting out calling plays for T-ball games then advancing to calling plays in the World Series...

The whole idea of Forge of Umpires confuses me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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My dad just got a bidet and said he’s calling it The Enterprise

because it goes around Uranus killing Klingons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsnotnotme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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"The crow seemed to be calling his name", thought Kaw
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a musical work based on Timon and Pumbaa from the Lion King. I’m calling it the Hakuna Cantata.
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.

"Sense us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
An old doodle I found on my phone! β€œPot calling the kettle black”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JugglingJew07
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
There's this guy who's been staying in one spot at the park for days without sitting or laying. People are calling him super amazing. I personally just think..

he's out standing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Airicz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I hear that Audi is going to rename their pickups for the US market by calling it the Audi Pardner.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrisatlake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Thanks for calling the predatory animal lifting agency. We’ll be with you in a minute...

...Please hold the lion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Sphere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I almost answered the phone when my talkative German brother-in-law was calling me, but thankfully I recognized the number.

That was a Klaus call

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Oh baby I hear the blues are calling...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Pennybags
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My Life has been nothing but a disappointment. The Last 5 Years looked promising, but no such luck. After trying My Best, I've decided if One More Thing upsets me again, I'm calling it Quits.

Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV

When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you". Got an eye roll and a kick for that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachlasso
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim.

That way I can say I go to the Jim every single day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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I talked my dad into watching a samurai movie by calling it the Japanese equivalent of a Western.

Dad: "So it's an Eastern."

I walked right into that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quodpossumus
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
🚨︎ report
In the context of elderly customers calling with questions. A colleague of my said "I hate fucking old customers"

I replied "Then stop it..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InthegrOTTO87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
🚨︎ report
The Caller Id on the Speakerphone announced who was calling . . .

Phone: "Call from ... Jorge S ... Jorge S ..."

Me: "?Jorge es que?"

Family: (groans)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Our two year old has started calling the television 'The TB'

My wife: "That's a fair name for it, because it consumes all his attention"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desultir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2016
🚨︎ report
A heart was taken into custody for murder yesterday. The locals are calling it a cardiac arrest
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theeggroaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2015
🚨︎ report
So I was monitoring our progress on Google Maps and calling out the distance to the next turn as it changed...

Daughter: "Dad, maybe you don't update our progress every mile?"

Me: "Actually, I'm updating our progress every .1 of a mile. Does that make you tenth?"

Earned me the coveted groan with double eye roll...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineerBill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2014
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Calling for something at work, I had the option to hear a joke. I gladly accepted.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmmdddmmm
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2014
🚨︎ report
The real reason Microsoft is calling the new operating system Windows 10

Because Windows 7 ate 9

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freedmonster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
🚨︎ report
A girl at the furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Tried calling the tinnitus helpline...

But it just kept ringing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imahntr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The girl from the furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatstrat228
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
The furniture store keeps calling me.....

I thought I made it clear I only wanted the one night stand

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
The furniture store keeps calling me

All I wanted was a one night stand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superdan4290
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
The furniture store won’t stop calling me..

All I wanted was one night stand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SluttyNYDude69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
The furniture store kept calling me back...

But I said all I wanted was One Night Stand

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uraveragefanboi77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
The furniture store keeps calling me back

All I wanted was a one night stand

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SparkytheStuntDog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
🚨︎ report
The furniture salesman keeps calling me

All I wanted was one night stand

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool_guy_joe654
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
The furniture store keeps calling me

But all I wanted was one night stand.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/command_613
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
🚨︎ report

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