Itty bitty t-cup committee
My wife heated up a cup of coffee "just for me"
Why would you bring me forty two cups of coffee??
I obviously said, "four tea, two coffee"!!
Always being asked why I'm holding two plastic drinking cups.
My answer is always the same: Because.
I spilled my cup...
... and all I got was this tea shirt
A thief broke into a guy's house, stole his stuff, killed the man, and turned him into a large cup…
Someone offered me a nice cup of green tea
So naturally I said yes, matcha-bliged
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
Anyone for a drink? A nice cup of tee?
Someone stole my coffee cup.
Now I have to go to the police station and look at mug shots.
A Native American man drank 500 cups of tea in one sitting
Nearly drowned in his own teepee
A Sippy Cup is called Mr. Sippy, what would you call his wife?
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What did the dad say to his son who wouldn't shut up about buying him a cup so he could play sports?
My wife's bra has the brand name "Splendid", embroidered on the band under one of the cups ...
I just took a sharpie and wrote "Also quite nice" under the other one.
I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car
A man started beating me with a cup and stole my wallet.
Get it? Or it isn't your cup of tea?
A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
TIL: 29% of people report having to use the bathroom right after drinking a cup of coffee
The other 71% that don't are full of it
I explained to my wife, "Darling, it doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, my point is..."
"You need to buy a different size bra!"
Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends...
When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!
What did the cup of water say to the man?
"If you drink me I'll be pissed"
The next generation will be Cup, Plate, and Bowl
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
My name is Joe. I'm a cup of me.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee.
The man take a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says,
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!"
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the man and says,
"But sir, it's fresh ground!"
So i made this during the 2014 world cup, and thank God Germany won
A colleague at worked complained he couldn't find any clean cups. "Maybe they're in the naughty corner," I offered. "Why would they be there?" he asked.
"Because they were acting like mugs."
I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from
He said, "Soy milk!"
I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"
A local man shows up to his local Starbucks for his daily cup of coffee.
“Grande macchiato with oat milk, please.”
The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked “Why are you wearing a surgical mask?”
“I’m not”, said the barista, “it’s a coughy filter”.
I reattached a cup holder to my son's car seat the other day. My daughter (5yo) taunted him, saying, "I have TWO cup holders!" I told her, "It's not a competition," to which she replied...
"But it is a CUP-etition!"
... I've never been so proud of her.
I spilled my cup...
... and all I got was this tea shirt
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