Bumping Puns

A list of puns related to "Bumping"

What do you call an Irish man who keeps on bumping off things ?

Rick O'Shea.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Jan 01 2021
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I'm unobservant, and I keep bumping into things, so I made a note of it.

B♯

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👤︎ u/Feet2Big
📅︎ Oct 08 2016
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Got busted almost bumping into windows on the way to work today
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👤︎ u/jorubhi
📅︎ Apr 23 2019
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I used to be scared of speed bumps.

I’m slowly getting over it

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👤︎ u/weiderman316
📅︎ Jan 06 2021
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed...

Everybody

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👤︎ u/typpo_06
📅︎ Nov 18 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

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👤︎ u/keratoconusgroup
📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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Went to go pick my glasses up from SpecSavers today and you’ll never guess who I bumped into!

Everyone.

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👤︎ u/batchyyyyy
📅︎ Oct 24 2020
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What do you call a T-Rex with a bump on its head ?

A Dino-Sore

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👤︎ u/its_boogeyman
📅︎ Sep 23 2020
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What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton when they bumped into each other and fell apart?

Well, it looks like I have a bone to pick with you!

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👤︎ u/saint_davidsonian
📅︎ Oct 07 2020
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I hate it whenever I hit a speed bump...

... but I’ll get over it.

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👤︎ u/cosanostra97
📅︎ Sep 18 2020
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One tectonic plate bumped into another and then said

Sorry, My fault

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👤︎ u/WDizzle
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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I noticed 2 large bumps on my car battery.

I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says it’s terminal.

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👤︎ u/CodyClay1
📅︎ Apr 19 2020
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I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩

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👤︎ u/Whoopass_voice
📅︎ Nov 12 2020
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I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand-new Rolex."

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👤︎ u/wIXMamamama
📅︎ Jul 29 2020
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Why is six afraid of seven

Because seven eight nine ( extremely bad joke I leant in kindergarten btw)

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👤︎ u/zellerzium
📅︎ Jan 14 2021
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Do you know who I bumped into at the opticians

Everybody

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👤︎ u/xcatboyx
📅︎ Aug 23 2020
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The little fish bumped into a wall while swimming up stream

. . . and exclaimed, "Dam!"

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👤︎ u/javacafe
📅︎ Jul 24 2020
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Yesterday, I bumped into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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Did you hear about the dolphin that bumped into the whale?

It wasn't on porpoise!

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👤︎ u/JDDDouble
📅︎ May 22 2020
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My teenage daughter showed me a small bump on her hand and asked what it was...

I told her I thought it was a bug bite and she asked 'But where did I get bitten?' and I said 'On your hand.' :D She even laughed! True story!

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👤︎ u/HumboltQuadrant
📅︎ Jun 22 2020
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A pregnant co-worker walked into the office the other day. I took a look at her baby bump and said “it’s becoming apparent that you’re becoming a parent”.

Stay safe everyone and try to keep smiling

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👤︎ u/Ascott1963
📅︎ Mar 26 2020
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bump…

Bump…

Bump…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster…

Faster…

FASTER…

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

And…

The coffin stops….

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👤︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
📅︎ Nov 18 2020
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You think your tunes bump?
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👤︎ u/Blizzrobe777
📅︎ Nov 16 2019
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Sounds fishy

What did the fish say afer bumping into a wall

Damn

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👤︎ u/b3ni3
📅︎ Nov 24 2020
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When the librarian bumped her head...

she had no one to blame apart from her shelf

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👤︎ u/LunaticPandoraXIII
📅︎ Jan 18 2020
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I have a phobia of speed bumps

But I’m slowly getting over it

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👤︎ u/chicomagnifico
📅︎ Jan 08 2021
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I have a fear of speed bumps.

I’m slowly getting over it.

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👤︎ u/muisicaldork
📅︎ Sep 23 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody

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👤︎ u/TakenByKangAndKodos
📅︎ Apr 16 2020
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I have a fear of speed bumps,

But I'm slowly getting over it.

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👤︎ u/OfCuriousWorkmanship
📅︎ Sep 16 2020
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I have a fear of speed bumps

But I’m slowly getting over it

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👤︎ u/biscuithead85
📅︎ Sep 24 2020
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I have a fear of speed bumps....

but I’m slowly getting over it.

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👤︎ u/JCraay
📅︎ Sep 10 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed

Everybody.

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👤︎ u/KoronaSenpai
📅︎ Mar 27 2020
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I have a speed bump phobia

But I am slowly getting over it.

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👤︎ u/Bruinsfan011
📅︎ Jun 29 2020
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What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?

Sorry, that's my fault.

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👤︎ u/detivninu
📅︎ Feb 07 2020
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I just noticed two large bumps on my car battery.

I had one of them tested, and it was positive. Hope it's not terminal.

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👤︎ u/throwingitout2day
📅︎ Aug 11 2020
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I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand new Rolex."

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👤︎ u/wIXMamamama
📅︎ Aug 05 2020
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I have a fear of speed bumps...

but I'm slowly getting over it.

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle
📅︎ Jun 14 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed

Everybody.

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👤︎ u/KoronaSenpai
📅︎ Mar 27 2020
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What did the fish say when he bumped into a brick wall?

Dam

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👤︎ u/flaminghotdillpickle
📅︎ Apr 17 2020
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Recently I bumped into the guy that sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ May 08 2019
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I'm scared of speed bumps

But I'm slowly getting over it !

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👤︎ u/Rizsrq
📅︎ Mar 27 2020
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Today I bumped into the guy who had sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Nov 10 2018
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I have an intense fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
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👤︎ u/Tardtart
📅︎ Jul 17 2018
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I have a fear of speed bumps.

I’m slowly getting over it.

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👤︎ u/SnorkelTurkey
📅︎ Sep 23 2019
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One tectonic plate bumps into another..

And says: sorry, my fault

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👤︎ u/lavacadotoast
📅︎ Aug 30 2019
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Went to the opticians yesterday, guess who I bumped into?

Everyone

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👤︎ u/scottmarti7
📅︎ Feb 14 2020
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