Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
π︎ 183
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Why did the torn piece of paper beat the regular piece of paper in a fight
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
How do you beat Minecraft?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
How did the octopus beat a shark in a fight??
π︎ 31
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
π︎ 580
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Jersey Mike's can't beat an actual pizza place
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
I just beat a black belt at karate....
My next challenge is a green sock.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
What do you call an iguana that does poetry to a beat?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
2020 beat me
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer employee that beat up a Duracell employee?
He got charged with battery.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
A lumberjack beat me in a game of chess
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
When I was a kid, my Dad used to beat me with a camera...
I still have flashbacks...π©
π︎ 96
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
Did you hear about the guy who beat up a lollipop?
He gave it a good licking.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
You simply cannot beat wordplay
π︎ 117
π
︎ May 23 2020
Al Gore Beat-Boxing
What do you call Al Gore beat-boxing/rapping?
An Al-Gore-Rythm π
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Why canβt Superman beat Dracula?
Because he canβt go to the Krypt Tonight.
(Iβll see myself out)
π︎ 131
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Oct 15 2019
What do you call a boxer that got beat up?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
I want to beat him up too
π︎ 33
π
︎ May 25 2020
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
What did Liam Neeson say when Obi Wan beat Qui-Gon in a light saber duel?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
During the riots the other day, a person was beat up by six dwarfs.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
We can't let 2020 beat us.....
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
How does paper beat a rock?
even the united states military had a hard time winning against a rock.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 17 2020
My friend challenged me to a hang gliding race, and he got angry after I beat him.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
My clippers ran out of juice half way through shaving so I started to beat the heck out of em...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
How did the speed runner beat the world record on hair stylist simulator?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldnβt believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isnβt a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:
"No it's not, it's MUNday!"
The apprentice has now become the master.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
What do you call it when you beat a clansmen in a fight?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
It's that beat that makes you pump your bum
π︎ 44
π
︎ Feb 01 2020
What's a computer's favourite beat?
π︎ 49
π
︎ Apr 18 2020
What snack always beats video game levels?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 31 2020
I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 28 2020
Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 165
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Not to brag, but I beat the local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.
π︎ 92
π
︎ May 01 2020
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
π︎ 202
π
︎ Nov 11 2019
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 11 2018
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.