Beat It Puns

A list of puns related to "Beat It"

Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?

They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.

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👤︎ u/Fitz_cuniculus
📅︎ Nov 06 2020
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My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...

"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.

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👤︎ u/EngineersAnon
📅︎ Aug 01 2020
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My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
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👤︎ u/ruchi565
📅︎ Oct 15 2019
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What do you call it when you beat a clansmen in a fight?

A KKKO

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👤︎ u/Subscribe_to_Sam24
📅︎ Feb 23 2020
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It's that beat that makes you pump your bum
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👤︎ u/LogangYeddu
📅︎ Feb 01 2020
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It's quite hard to beat a toilet at poker...

It always has a flush.

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👤︎ u/Upsidedownsquidhead
📅︎ Sep 11 2019
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I've never been able to beat my school's high jump record and it keeps me up at night to this day...

I just can't get over it

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👤︎ u/greatreference
📅︎ Dec 21 2019
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I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
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👤︎ u/devmittal_civ16
📅︎ Jul 12 2019
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My wife was trying to make butter from milk by churning it with a beater, after 30 mins, there was still no butter, she asked “how much longer do I need to beat it?” I said ...

Until it starts talking

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👤︎ u/stor_e_teller
📅︎ Dec 04 2019
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It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,

"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."

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👤︎ u/Jan_Tik
📅︎ Oct 29 2019
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The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.

Or worse, that it might not.

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👤︎ u/aaanold
📅︎ Oct 15 2019
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What do you call it when you get beat up by Steve Jobs?

A Mac attack

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👤︎ u/weebs_are_weird
📅︎ Sep 29 2019
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It's a really nice drum, you can't beat it.
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👤︎ u/yodascoolson
📅︎ Oct 20 2019
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A computer once beat me at chess. But it was no match for me at kickboxing
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👤︎ u/cancervixen831
📅︎ Aug 31 2019
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My wife said it was too dangerous to beat an egg.

But I said no, I'll whisk it.

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👤︎ u/AlRedux
📅︎ Jul 18 2019
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I beat the shit out of my phone everyday to make it work

It runs on battery

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👤︎ u/chadnav
📅︎ Jul 11 2019
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You know what they say, it you can't beat 'em...

... then you're probably using the wrong end of the whisk.

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👤︎ u/DarthEmpty
📅︎ Jan 24 2019
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I don't know why people say it's so difficult to beat cancer

I'm already on stage 4

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👤︎ u/gacrtet
📅︎ Oct 26 2018
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Thought id beat him to post it here
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👤︎ u/crazypyros
📅︎ Jan 21 2019
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How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards

Ages

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👤︎ u/Artificial03
📅︎ Feb 08 2019
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Yesterday my neighbor asked to borrow my copy of the movie “It”. I proceeded to beat him up. My wife asked me why the hell I would beat him up.

I told her he was asking for It.

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👤︎ u/Cubic-Zirconia
📅︎ Jan 11 2019
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Did you know if you let a porpoise beat you at cards it'll give you a ride on its back?

You can win pretty easily if you want to but it defeats the porpoise

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👤︎ u/heyhowsitgoinOCE
📅︎ Aug 22 2018
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Brother beat me to it

First off - I'm not a dad, just known for making the dad jokes.

So anyways, my grandpa had a stroke this morning. I went to visit him earlier today. He's 90, a WW2 Vet, cool guy. Becuase of his stroke, his entire left side is immobile as of right now.

When I got home, and told my family how he was doing, my little brother piped up: "So he's all right now?"

I facepalmed right after he said that. I should have seen it coming and said it first.

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👤︎ u/akashb1
📅︎ Feb 14 2017
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I told my wife it's funny that I can't beat my friend in a certain card game, but win against him every time in the online version.

I guess when I'm using a mouse something just clicks.

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👤︎ u/Gunnrhildr
📅︎ Oct 12 2015
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What did one chronograph say to the other before it was about to beat the clock?

"Just watch me."

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👤︎ u/AlexanderShkuratoff
📅︎ Aug 05 2014
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My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
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👤︎ u/ruchi565
📅︎ Nov 11 2019
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My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
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👤︎ u/ryannbajaj
📅︎ Apr 11 2019
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I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
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👤︎ u/devmittal_civ16
📅︎ Jul 12 2019
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