When I woke up this morning, I saw a bird of prey sitting in my backyard eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Saw 3 Mexicans in my backyard the other day.

They were tres passing.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I am always careful in my backyard

Because some trees are nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I saw three Mexicans in my backyard

I had to tell them to go away because they were tres passing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GLIZZYGOD999
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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So I caught a frog and a toad having a great time in my backyard just the other day.

They were playing a game of croquet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy I don’t know wants to cut down the trees in my backyard

I told him β€˜I woodn’t do that if I were you’

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.

I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMA_SWEET
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was complaining about how our next door neighbor's wife started sunbathing nude in their backyard.

Personally, I'm on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The poor willow in my backyard just broke one of its main limbs off.

Now it's an amputree!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Backyard jokes with my dogs
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I walk out to my backyard pond

My fish first pop out to say hello, but then quickly retreat to cover. Then they'll tease like they're coming out again, but then they'll shy away.

What makes them act so coy!?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FightMilkLLC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and his wife had a shed in their backyard. The neighbor asked which of them built it and they both replied that they had built it, leading to a massive argument.

It was a real He-Shed She-Shed situation.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiNinja40428
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My archeologist buddy invited me to a party. Apparently the entertainment was looking for leg bones in his backyard.

It was quite the shindig

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I went camping in my backyard last night, bringing along my tablet to watch Pulp Fiction.

I call it "Tentin' Quarantino".

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/altrefrain
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
While eating porkchops in our backyard.

Me: Hey, you want a bone to chew on?

Son: Gnaw bro.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obi-whine-kenobi
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard.

Personally, I’m on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gets triggered when I get up and chase the birds away from our backyard every morning.

She says it’s my crow aggression.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why there are tents on your backyard?

Kids are doing something intense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I called my local aviary owner and asked if she had any water birds for my new backyard pond.

She told me she had a bad experience with some water birds and doesn't sell them anymore. I angrily told her that a real aviary owner would sell water birds too. >!She said she and has no egrets.!<

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was bored so I dug three holes in my backyard.

My wife came home and said "Well, well, well..."

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farzo_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The neighborhood dogs always come up to the tree in my backyard.

It's covered in bark.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olwek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My next door Russian neighbor is very secretive about the honeycombs in his backyard.

He might be a cagey bee agent.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was helping a buddy install his backyard fence, when I realized I screwed up and had to do it again.

I said, β€œSorry about the repost.”

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. Then told me I was terrible with directions. And then she added that I should stop cross dressing in her clothes. She also didn't like the female neighbor sun bathing nude in her backyard.

I nearly shit her pants, even though the ice-incident was water under the fridge! I was on the fence about the neighbor sun-bathing nude, but I packed her things and right anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
i had no idea that i had a fruit tree in my backyard until the other day.

it finally grew a pear.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frixtyfox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My backyard herbs are looking good...

You might say they're in mint condition.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I planted some orange trees in my backyard about 15 years ago

It’s amazing how fast my little treenagers have grown!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aevyian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Was out in the backyard grilling some burgers for my daughter and her friends but they'd lined up a bunch of dolls to get food too

It was a barbie queue

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: there's some deer in the backyard

Dad: they're outstanding in their field

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FilthyMcnasty87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard?

Neither did she.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad Manning the grill at a backyard bbq. Son approaches...

Son: "Dad? Can you make me a burger?"

Dad: "Sure! (waives tongs like a magic wand) POOF! You're a burger!"

(Dad laughing hysterically. Son rolls eyes)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darknighten89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle discovered petroleum in his backyard...

He took an oily retirement

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m starting a business website for backyard dogs.

It’s called ChainLinkedIn.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nDrN8
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
There are stray Watsons in my backyard

I think they need good Holmes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call Irish backyard chairs?

Patty O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wing-on-Wing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My son killed a small lizard in our backyard this morning

I guess it was in cold blood

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/txnt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I woke up this morning and saw a bird of prey in my backyard eating avocado toast and yelling β€œOk Boomer!”

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathers topless in her backyard.

Personally, I'm on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 480
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogsie125
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to my backyard this morning, and I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard

Personally, I'm on the fence

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingGod07770
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was helping a friend install his backyard fence, but I screwed up and had to do it again.

Sorry for the repost.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard.

Personally, I’m on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in my backyard when I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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