I accused Alexa of stealing my Adderall
She was wired
Why didn't anyone want to date Alexa ?
Because every time she smiled she had a bluetooth.
My four year old: Daddy, what is Alexa scared of?
Me: She's just a robot, I don't think she ever feels fear.
My son: She's scared of getting Alexa-cuted.
I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off?
She said: "How about walking through the room naked?"
The kids asked me why our Alexa in the basement has an Australian accent
Me: "Because the basement is down under the house"
Whatβs ALEXAβs Operating System
Jeff BezOS
My wife is the opposite of Alexa.
You can't tell her anything.
"Alexa, call Dad"
"What would you like me to call him?"
I'm a karaoke host. Last night I had a singer named, Alexa.
She signed up to sing The Killers. Right before she sang, I said, "Alexa, play The Killers."
What should you do if you're unhappy with your Alexa?
Get Alexapro.
Alexa is a Dad?
We were playing with a friend's new Amazon Alexa:
Alexa! Tell me a dirty joke!
I'm thinking of selling my vacuum cleaner. It's just gathering dust.
Yep, Alexa is a Dad.
What are a communist's favorite units of time?
Hours.
I just caught a glimpse of my wife wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing.
Today is laundry day.
My wife yelled, βHey, the sunβs coming out!β So I wore my shorts and flip flops and came downstairs.
Found my son holding hand with his boyfriend.
Dads are like boomerangs.
I hope.
My first round on CS:GO was a de_saster
Hey Siri, I'm bleeding really bad. Can you call me an ambulance?
