What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?

Islip

:D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elesde
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.

Now she's a small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggsaladapologist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?

A metrognome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/user05555
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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What do anti-police protesters use to move around in New York City?

A cab

(It came to mind and I have no wish for it to be political)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassBoostedFlute
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?

Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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Never ask anyone whether they prefer New York City or Syracuse.

That's comparing apples to oranges.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Long-Afternoon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Theres a lot of tall men around parts of new york

Especially long guy land.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shromboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.

It was my Time lapse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Did you hear about the viagara truck hijacked in New York the other day?

The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pazuzusboss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?

Because he's still alive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?

"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Why do Indians love New York?

Because there's a Delhi on every block.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/khanzunair
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I propose that the much desired New York Strip Steak be renamed to Washington DC.

This will make the District of Columbia, finally a steak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scooterscuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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2 cats in New York test pawsitive for Coronavirus
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...

It was Erie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: New York subway car breaks down after laptop explodes. When asked what happened, the NYPD responded:

A Dell set fire to the train

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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What New York borough has the lowest cholesterol levels?

Statin Island.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PharmSystem
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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I can't believe they gave that engineer who wrecked the train in New York the electric chair. And he survived it!

I guess he just wasn't a very good conductor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/59boomer59
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever wondered why there are so many people named Tony in New York?

It’s because on their luggage it said To N.Y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebaspa1219
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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How do you call it when your previous wife moves to New York from a small town?

ex and The City

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuneFox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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The Russian president visited New York and stayed at a pretty swanky hotel.

He was Putin on the Ritz.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Dad:Hey kids! We are going on vacation to East York, PA. Again This year!

Kids: aww again?

Dad: yeah, I always like taking a trip down memory lane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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What is Edward Benedict's, Humpty Dumpty's cousin from New York, favorite time of year?

The Hollandaise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pricklydoughball
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the chef of a Chinese New York restaurant say, when you barge into their kitchen?

HEYYY I'M WOKKIN ERE πŸ—½πŸ³

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GS_Dan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Black Panther stay when he's in New York?

His wakondo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Truebman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What building in New York has the most stories?

The public library.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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New York City once had 4 sections and New Jersey needed to borough one.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeetball128
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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When you regret ordering salmon over a New York strip

That's a... Missed steak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadtoenail69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what New York City said to London when it was his turn?

Europe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you ask the bridge that crosses New York's Hudson River between Tarrytown and Nyack if it speaks German?

Tappan Zee Deutsche?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mftheoryArts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What should you do if you see someone choking at a famous New York museum?

Perform the Guggenheimlich maneuver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the vampire subscribe to the new york times?

He heard it had great circulation.

Btw can we start a trend of holloween dad jokes for the coming month? Plus I'd love to hear some pumpkin puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeastScar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the fisherman from New York say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod

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πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
New York Customer tells the chef that he knows the secret ingredient

The chef promptly asks who told you? Customer says, I have my sauces.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?

Gobble the ghoul.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeefbrothTV
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was once so drunk I went from New York to Alabama,

I guess you could say I wasn’t in the best of states.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
New York Post: "How Patriots owner Robert Craft could get off in prostitution case"

Didn't he already?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rookie_Z
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
"DELETER OF THE FREE WORLD" - New York Post front page on the Hillary email scandal imgur.com/0BNIPzn
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wazzzzah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
🚨︎ report
When my friend from New York City drove to Nebraska in his Honda SUV, he went for a walk in the countryside...

He was out of his Element.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
New York MTA (subway) dad must be in control of writing for the website...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tess_niedermeyer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor?

Because she can't lay down

(Old guy at work told me this today)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanotard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I never sausage a thing as her tenderloins, til your New York strip.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicolauz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Where do New York dad's go to get new jokes?

Corny Island

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Think_Naught
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Back when I lived in New York, I had a friend named Justin, who worked as an NBA clock operator.

We called him Justin, the Knick of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealCalypso
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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New York might have the Big Apple...

But Minnesota is where the Minneapolis

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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