When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.

It’s our family hair loom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I've been trying out some new knitting patterns, but I think my yarn is too thin

Sorry wrong thread

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of yarn?

She had a litter of mittens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xero19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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All these conspiracy theorists just spinning yarns.

They are nothing but loom and doom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BandDirector17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Cutting yarn is a piece of cake gfycat.com/scientificinfa…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheScarletGuard
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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what do you call it when someone is indecisive about which yarn to buy?

knit-picky

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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I have a piece of yarn hanging from one corner of my room to the other.

I think it really ties the room together.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P1eman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2015
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Dadjoking my girlfriend while she spins fiber into yarn.

Girlfriend sits down at spinning wheel to spin fiber into yarn.

"I think I'm going to spin for a while."

"Don't get dizzy."

commence groaning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gehalgod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
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Hobby club couldn’t agree on this week’s craft.

Some selfishly thought minecraft was better than yarncraft.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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So I was talking to my friend yesterday about their recent accident

They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.

Then it began to appear in other places.

It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.

Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.

After that, he never saw the string again.

So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justcaleb2001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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There's a nutcase going around our town stabbing people with knitting needles.

Twelve individuals have been attacked in the last 48 hours.

The Police have announced that the attacker could be following some kind of pattern

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I need help with my sewing

Oops, wrong thread.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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You guys want to hear a joke about cloth?

It’s quite the yarn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Did y'all hear about that man who said he made thread for a living?

It turns out he was just spinning a yarn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AcceptableBook
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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Calling all pun masters: Voting closes in a few days!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/albusbumblecore
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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My grandpa likes to tell tales of socks he's mended...

When he starts in, everyone groans, "not another darn yarn!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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I know someone who's really good at crochet jokes

We all call him a knit-wit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
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Heard this gem today at a craft store with my fiancΓ©e

We were looking for twine or something in the yarn section and this dad walks by with his two daughters, gives a huge yawn, and says, "WOW! That was a huge yarn" and then began to start chuckling uncontrollably.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wsmith27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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Everyone is wearing ugly Christmas sweaters,

sweater you like it or not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BioSlothInfinite
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2015
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A Volley of Knitting Puns

My wife was teaching her best friend how to knit. She was doing quite well but for some extra encouragement I said:

"The basics are simple enough. It's when you get into the knitty gritty that things start to unravel.

Wife and friend shake their heads, so I say "Sorry, I didn't mean for my purls of wisdom to needle you."

More groans...

"Still," I said, "at least I kept it short and sweet. I mean, I could've spun you a proper yarn."

Wife to friend: "Right, pass me that soddin' knitting needle...!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/32768Colours
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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After I bored her with one of my longwinded tales...

FiancΓ©e: You just love telling stories don't you? You're such a storyteller. I bet if you found a piece of string laying on the ground you'd tell me a story about that too.

Me: You're right, if I found a string on the ground I'd probably spin quite the yarn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheevocabra
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
🚨︎ report

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