A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" I chuckled, "No son, it wouldn't be right." He sighed...
"Well, at least you could try."
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.
It's just water under the fridge.
If I were you, I wouldn’t try the sushi
So I went to my local astrology group and was asked to take roll call. And wouldn’t you know it?
All the signs were there.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro
You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my friend is a natural at remodeling kitchens.
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
My wife told me today that when I got her food order, that I need to remember to ask for cheese or they wouldn’t add it.
I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!
Why wouldn't the Republicans impeach Donald Trump?
They insist on bringing a baby to full term.
Why wouldn’t the crab share his Halloween candy?
I wouldn't let my newborn work on my Ferrari's engine
He doesn't have fine motor skills
Taking the shell off a snail wouldn't make it faster...
... It would make it more sluggish
My ex left me because I was determined to buy van and sell spaghetti out of the back, she told me it wouldn’t work
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
My girlfriend asked me to feed her anaconda hotdogs while she is out of town. I did, but it wouldn’t touch them. Confused, I called her and asked why
She said: “My anaconda don’t want none unless it has buns, hun”
If I had known I had ketchup on my fingers, I wouldn't have rubbed my eyes.
Why wouldn't the oyster give up her pearl?
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus
They are called the Flu Flux Fang!
I wouldn’t say that I’m full of myself...
I just don’t have a lot of room for others in my skin.
I couldn’t figure out why my checkbook wouldn’t balance. It turns out I was adding instead of subtracting.
And that made all the difference.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
What did the dad say to his son who wouldn't shut up about buying him a cup so he could play sports?
Wouldn't that be a pocket pocket dimension?
My friend wouldn't believe that Canada has a Prime Minster.
We should have known communism wouldn't work...
There were lots of red flags
They told me I wouldn't be any good at poetry because I was dyslexic
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
I wouldn't call myself an algae...
My son had a rough time at little league practice - after striking out three times, he lost interest and wouldn’t stop smelling the dandelions in the outfield, getting one stuck in his nose.
What did the lumberjack say to the tree that wouldn’t talk to him?
START TALKING, OR I’LL MAKE YOU DIALOGUE!
I wouldn't suggest wearing them swimming though
There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?
A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me
so I asked him to leave me a loan.
He wouldn’t be let down if he didn’t push their buttons...
I wouldn’t want to either. Looking at him, makes me itch.
Eye wouldn’t miss the opportunity eye-there
Never let anyone tell you what can or cannot do. Just look at Beethoven, everyone told him he wouldn't make it as a musician.
Why wouldn’t the barman serve Shakespeare?
Why wouldn't the Army cook ever serve cake, ice cream or pies?
He was afraid of being charged with dessert-tion.
My dad and I used to play catch, and he would do this funny thing where he wouldn’t catch it
Because he was never there.
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood!!
I come from a long line of fathers...
Back in the day when sparrows had names, sparrows named Gus wouldn’t fare too well.
People love eating Asparagus.
"I wouldn't buy anything with Velcro.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
We should have known communism wouldn't work
There were so many red flags.
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