When I was a kid, having fun was simple, we just rolled down hills in old tires..
Yes..those were the Goodyears.
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
Was playing a game of yahtzee, rolled four 2s
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
My friend rolled the ball down the lane 10 times, knocking over all the pins each time!
My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.
I responded: So they can send the swat team.
A fog rolled in and turned my car into gold!
Must have been an alche-mist.
Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"
The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."
I rolled my first joint last night.
Today I have an ankle the size of a football.
>!Mind you, thanks to this really good weed I am feeling no pain at all.!<
What do you call a nut that fell out of your bowl and rolled under the couch?
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
“Now how’s he going to read that newspaper all rolled up like that!?"
Ever heard the joke of the egg that rolled down the cliff?
The ending just cracks me up!
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:
My sister walks up to me and asks: “Are you creating a pyramid scheme?”
I made a salad when the tomato rolled off the counter
As it landed upon my foot, I exclaimed
I took a Tomato Tomato!!
My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.
They were having fun at my ex pence.
I rolled a joint for the first time in my life.
The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks until I can use my ankle again.
I had the opportunity for a potassium pun so I just rolled with it
I rolled a rock down the hill with an elastic band around it, and It hit a passerby.
My rock band, the rolling stones, was an instant hit.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
My wife first looked confused then rolled her eyes. I may be ready to be a dad.
My wife was sitting on the couch, handed me her phone, and said, "charge this". I took the phone and said,
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..."
I remember my childhood fondly. Dad used to put us in a tire and we all rolled downhill.
Those were the Good Years.
My daughter told me she'd get in trouble if she refused the rolled tortilla sandwich she was offered
So I took the wrap for her.
They rushed me into the hospital with all my limbs detached, screaming in pain, but the doctor took one look at me and rolled his eyes.
“Pull yourself together.”
I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.
reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
Kenny Rogers was driving along the highway and discovered his rear wobbly tire popped off his truck and rolled down the middle of the road. That's when he broke out in song...
"You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Wheel!"
One of my kid's greens rolled off his dinner plate
Oh look, an escape-pea, I told him.
What did the dog say when he rolled over sand?
How did the trees feel when spring rolled around?
My wife’s eyes literally just rolled while groaning and I’m still giggling
Wife from upstairs : hey hun can you bring me a heartburn pill before coming up the stairs?
Me from downstairs: how am I going to bring the pill to you before coming up the stairs?
She just rolled her eyes.
Mom and dad were watching a segment on the morning news about memory pills. Dad says, "I read something about those things, but I don't remember what it was."
I rolled a critical hit on my dad joke last night
Wife is sitting on the couch, couple friends are over to plan our upcoming D&D campaign. One friend, named Joe, is rolling stats and getting mediocre results.
I lean over, stare hard at my wife, and say, "Looks like he's just an average Joe..."
My Mom rolled her eyes when I told her we didn't have enough thyme for dinner
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
I just rolled a joint for the first time in my life.
The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks before I can use my ankle again.
I just told a joke and my wife rolled her eyes at me
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