After years of worrying about my health, I made it to the gym today.
It feels like a weightβs been lifted from my chest.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
People with claustrophobia should stop worrying
And come out of the closet
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 13 2020
I've been worrying a lot about my life since the doctor diagnosed me with insomnia.
It's keeping me up all night.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Stop worrying about next year. I know for a fact that everything will be OK. How do I know?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 15 2019
I can't help worrying that someone'll steal my bag of German sausages
I try to remind myself it's just the wurst-case scenario.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 05 2018
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but donβt worry...
Iβm all right.
buh-dum-tsss
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldnβt! wouldnβt! couldnβt! didnβt! canβt! The doctor says "don't worry."
βThose are just contractions.β
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
To those worried about eating salad after the recent e coli outbreaks, I have three words for you.
π︎ 17
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︎ Jan 27 2021
My friend was worried about hitting all the bars on his guitar neck at his recital...
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 24 2021
All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
I often worry about German sausages
Basically I fear the wurst.
Edit: thanks for my first award ya loonies ;)
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
π︎ 45
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
I was starting to get worried about my Karma points on Reddit...
But getting over it was a piece of cake.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
NASA put a watch around a potted plant and sent it on a rocket to the sun. I said to my Daughter, "don't worry, it will be ok.."
"a watched pot never boils"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
I was very worried when they discovered Covid in ice cream and topping samples in China.
I instantly thought this could affect Hundreds & Thousands...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
I was worried someone replaced my kid with a clever robot...
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My wife says that I should worry about the brakes on my car instead of posting on Reddit
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Why doesn't Santa Claus have to worry about catching COVID-19?
Because he has Santa-bodies.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
What do environmentalists worry about when they poo ?
Whether to save water or to save trees.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?
Cause that's when the steaks are highest.
Edit: Well this is rare, I wasn't sure how well done this joke was. Thanks for the face palm.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 08 2020
Why arenβt depressed people worried about flat tyres?
They are always carrying despair.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Donβt worry if youβre tall or skinny or rich or poor. And the end of the day...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Why should you be worried about your daughterβs vegan drug dealer?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Iβm worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coronerβs office
Itβs a pretty big undertaking
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers
They will all be Santatized
π︎ 68
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
Ho ho ho!
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
I'm worried about my friends in the Flat Earth club
Social distancing has really pushed some of them over the edge.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
I worry about this.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
With the increasing cases of Covid in America, I was worried there would be a shortage of paper towels.
But I found the grocery story to be Bounty full.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
My friend asks if it is okay to park without paying. I told him, βdonβt worry.β
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
What do you say to an arachnid that worries too much about everything?
Please, don't be so dramatick!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Don't worry I can find the door myself
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
Why doesnβt Bob Marley have a passcode on his phone?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
I got hired to paint someoneβs home.
I charged for the labor but not the paint. The homeowner said, βwhy didnβt you charge for the paint?β I said, βdonβt worry about the paint. Itβs on the house.β
π︎ 820
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
Why did the chess player worried towards the end of his meal in a restaurant?
Because the waiter said, "CHECK?"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Good I was worried
π︎ 87
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
My wife, who's eight months pregnant, asked me if I worry that it's been too hot recently for our baby inside her. I reassured her...
βNah, itβs probably womb temperature!"
π︎ 179
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Whatβs the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 05 2020
Envelope: βare we there yet? Iβm worried weβre not going to make it!β
Mailman: βIβll keep you postedβ
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Saw a deal earlier to stay on a canal boat but I was worried about covid situation
There's bound to be a lock down there
π︎ 12
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I have this friend who was worried that they might have coronavirus.
I probably shouldnβt have told them to stay positive.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
The swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild.
Except for the seldom seen penfish which is said to be even mightier.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
Iβm really worried about eating salads after this E. Coli outbreak.
But lettuce romaine calm !!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
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