Let's go streaking!
... they were on their last legs.
They are now Off-Balance
https://imgur.com/gallery/25phdsc
But at least they put out the welcome mat
You could say they are on their last legs
Aloof
He's retired now.
I'm going vegan today.
So, I was pretty worn out the other day and was not even close to my A game in terms of coherent conversation, let alone my sense of humor.
At dinner, the kids wanted some yogurt so my wife got up to get it and asked me, "Do you want some yogurt, Baby?"
I paused for a moment to actually decide whether I wanted some and must have made some weird look, because she immediately followed up with, "I know, I know, 'What's a yogurt baby?'"
The Dad Joke is strong in my home even when I'm not there to do the work. That is good news.
you could say they're on their last legs.
They were repaired.
I'm afraid I may have worn out my welcome mat
Here's the background:
Before my wife and I were dating, but after we had officially met, I saw her at my regular pool hall one night. She was wearing some "worn in" jeans with all kinds of holes in the legs. At some point during the night, I approached her.
> Me: "Did you know that your jeans have holes in them?"
> Her: (confused) "Yeah..."
> Me: "Did you know that it's very distracting?"
I then walked away and proceeded to not talk to her at all the rest of the night and just let the idea simmer.
Fast forward 2.5 years >>>
We were married and expecting our first child. When we discovered she was pregnant, I thought it'd be a good idea to get our genomes checked out by 23andme to see if we were carriers of anything.
I was reading the results out to her and started with myself. I was fascinated by how perfectly I was described by the report. Almost every physical aspect was right on the money.
I then started reading her results. And it was a perfect match... for her sister. The results didn't describe my wife at all, but they did almost 100% match her (not a twin) sister. I chuckled to myself and looked at her.
> Me: Do you know what this means?
> Her: What?
> Me: Your genes have holes in them.
I consider this my crowning achievement in both dad jokes and overall pundom. I don't think I'll ever top that one.
...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.
Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. “What IS that?” “That’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.
Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.
The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, “That’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.
The father said it was a very old story about two inventors named Johnson and Hues. One day Hues was working feverishly on his latest project and talking to himself out loud. Unfortunately for Johnson, his project was not going well and Hues' constant chatter was getting on his last nerve. Suddenly, Hues lept from his chair in excitement and said "I finally did it!" "I finally invented a protective layer of apparel to be worn on the feet!" Johnson was a timid man that never attempted to stifle Hues' talking, but he was about to snap. At last, Hues cried out one last time to himself "...but what shall I call them?", to which Johnson finally retorted, "SSSSHHHH, Hues!"
They're a pair of old, worn out sneakers.
Worn out synchro rings in my manual gearbox.
I found my feather headdress but it's getting worn out: I have a patchy Apache crown
Set in Northern China, this movie follows the rite of passage of a jaded, aimless Chinese chef who falls in love with a worn out cooking pan that he and his friends once scorned. The two develop a powerful and inspirational relationship in which they discover truths about cooking that take most people a lifetime to learn. It's called A Wok to Remember
She was wearing those Hans Solo boots all the girls wear. Hers are pretty well worn, we were sitting quietly and she pointed out a spot where her foot had got wet.
I said "oh good, you wore your holey boots"
I only wish more people heard
When dad was tired he'd always say "I'm so T-U-R-D 'tired' I could F-A-R-T 'faint'"
Sadly/fondly I think of this every time I feel worn out.
But that's a worn-out subject
Me: So Dad, looks like I need a new pair of shoes (as I showed him the worn out sole on my current boots)
Dad: I don't know of any shoe repair shops in the area.
Me: There's a cobbler just around the corner from my house, I went in to....
Dad: (before I could finish my sentence) Yea, but it's probably just apple.
Of course, I had to laugh, but then quickly continued the conversation the way I had intended...
Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.
Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.
To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.
*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.
