Wife: I’m exhausted. I was up until 4 AM with the baby.
Me: It’s probably not a good idea to keep a baby up that late.
People who run behind cars get exhausted.
But people who run in front of cars get tired.
Why was the gay man exhausted after a long day at the office?
Because he worked 9 hours straight.
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!
Chase after a car you get exhausted
Run in front of a car you get tyred
I'm exhausted. Just got back from the hospital
My girlfriend was really sick and the doctors said she urgently needed a blood transfusion. They asked me what her blood type was, but I had no idea. I frantically tracked my brain, trying to remember if she'd told me. She must have sensed my panic, because she looked up at me and with her final breath said, "Be positive. Be positive" She's right, though I will miss her.
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend “Why I have to change my position every time?”
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
Every morning I take a bike ride through the park at least twice no matter how exhausted I am...
I always push myself to recycle.
I’m exhausted! When I get home from work I’m just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.
This evening’s definitely looking up
My wife and I went on a trip to Cuba to stay at a few different places. By the end of week 2, we were walking barefoot across a beach, nearly dying of thirst and exhausted. We were wondering if we'd make it home, until I spotted a server holding some drinks. We sprinted towards her and drank both.
I gotta say, I’m 36 years old, exhausted and run down
Next year I’ll be in my prime though.
Last night I dreamed that I was a car muffler. I woke up exhausted!
She must’ve been so exhausted when they got her out.
His arm must be exhausted
I'm exhausted like a Himalayan mountain.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies
I'm exhausted after running around collecting the first 25 letters of the alphabet in a net...
My dad told me he was exhausted after performing hundreds of operations today.
I was so exhausted after a long day at work..
..that the EPA slapped me with a fine.
Got a chuckle out of my exhausted girlfriend.
So our new born had us up all night. While he was sleeping we laid him on the bed between us, while we were talking I put my hand over his entire torso and said. "Boy is he a handful" she's laughed and told me to shut up.
Why was the muffler shop closed...? They were exhausted
Why couldn't the exhausted bicyclist ride?
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
last night i had a dream i was a muffler, and it scared me because i woke up... exhausted 😬
if you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted (x-post Shower Thoughts)
If you run behind a car, you will get exhausted.
I had a dream I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
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