I hate K-pop because listening to it reminds me of the time I spent in the Korean war and leads to extreme anxiety

My doctor says I may have BTSD.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shoor_veer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2021
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I spent so much time working on this
πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gh0stdog08
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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I spent all day crushing coke cans yesterday.

It was soda-pressing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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I just spent $300 on a limosine for the day.

What they didnt tell me was that fee doesn't include a driver. So now, im out $300 and nothing to chauffer it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
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I spent the past few minutes throwing chickpeas at my cat's feet...

I used the beans to bean the beans.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KatLikeGaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2020
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I spent four months working out and still haven't got any abs...

What a waist of time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ana_tommy16
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
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ASTROLOGY.... Because millions of stars and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up....

....just to let her know, that "she'll meet someone with nice eyes today."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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My publicist spent today taking photos of me deep within a dark cavern.

She assured me the photos would receive high exposure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dannysilver90
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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I thought my dad spent all his savings on an expensive wig.

But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Parry_Hotter_69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2020
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My wife tells me I’ve spent too much money on mirrors.

I guess it’s time for some self-reflection.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thedeafbadger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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I've spent much more time reading...

Due to the novel coronavirus

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/m_bowker-brown
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
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Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bot_10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2019
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Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.

He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2020
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I spent all night wondering where the sun went...

Then it dawned on me!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheDude9737
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...

...turned out grainy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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I spent all day explaining integers to my kid

turns out, there's no point to it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ailyara
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2020
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I spent all day trying to think of a joke about eating clocks.

It was really time consuming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheHomieData
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2020
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I spent all day preserving the fruit of my garden. You could say it was a jam packed day.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Johnny_Creditcard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2020
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I paid off my new limousine up front, but now I can't afford to hire a driver. So much money spent.

And nothing to chauffeur it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2020
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I've spent 7 years in prison

I learned that humans and wifi connections are the same in prison. Sometimes they're free and sometimes they're locked up .

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Slymood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 10 2020
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I spent a long time searching for high intensity workout gear.

I must have bought the right clothes, even my tracksuit pants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2020
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I just spent 5 hours watching videos of circles spinning.

It was completely pointless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/No_Hard_Feelings_
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2020
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I spent my whole life searching for an ocean of soda

It turned out to be a Fanta sea

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/greenguyzz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2020
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I've spent the last 8 hours spreading manure by hand

Should have used a shovel really

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2020
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At first, I was afraid I was petrified. Kept thinking, I could never live without that post school drop off ride. Bet then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong.

And I grew strong and I learned a schoolless day is just so long. Go on now, go, walk out the door, please go to school now. 'Cause you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one, who each school day said goodbye? But now I think I'll crumble? And I'll lay down and die? Oh, no, not I, I will survive Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Perrin-Golden-Eyes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2020
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Help: Spent my whole shower trying to think of comic book-based puns for toiletries. Best I could do was Conditioner Gordon and a 2 in 1 shampoo named Harvey Dent.

Maybe a No More Tears version called Daredevil? I don’t know. A sleeping mask called the Dark Night? Deadpoop toilet paper? I’m drowning here, man.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yikesomalley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2020
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I spent all night trying come up with a dad joke

When suddenly it dawned on me

πŸ‘οΈŽ 195
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2019
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I've spent the past week learning escapology...

I really need to get out more.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Se7enineteen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2020
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I spent the weekend building my 1st foot-manipulated keyboard for the office.

It's my prototype Pro Toe Type.

I literally dreamed this joke last night. Help me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brousch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2020
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My mate, Skippy, is a bit of a nerd. Just last night he spent 2 hours telling me about all the characters named Kang.

For instance, Kang the Conqueror is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. In 2009, Kang was ranked as IGN's 65th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time

or

In the Simpsons , Kang is a Rigellian from Rigel 7. He and his sister Kodos continuously try to take over Earth and are usually seen attacking Springfield. Kang and Kodos have a lot of space weaponry at hand and have their own spaceship. They speak the Rigellian language, which, by coincidence, is identical to English. Although they look identical, Kang has a deeper voice than Kodos.

I guess you could say Skippy is a Kang Guru...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2020
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I spent $80 on a belt that didn't fit

My wife said it was a huge waist

πŸ‘οΈŽ 103
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2019
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If u spent your day in a well..

Can u say your day was well-spent?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gabbybaddy9
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2020
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Money Whale Spent
πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EpicBro16
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2019
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Money whale spent
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Swimmer_69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2019
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I have spent everyday this year researching dad jokes for this sub.

I’ve really groan as a person.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2020
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I just spent three hours attaching a bunch of watches together to make a belt.

I’ve just realized it’s a waist of time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheBrontosaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2019
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spent +15 hours on this drawing just for pun
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/skitz-m8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2019
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My wife was really pissed when I told her I spent $1,000 on a new wallet......

I told her not to worry I’ll definitely get my money out of it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 526
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/marwoh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2019
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Back in the 90s, i spent time on the set of Baywatch messing with a character named Mitch Buchannon. I got pulled off the set and arrested the same night.

Turns out it's illegal to Hasslehoff.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StupidBeaver
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2019
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I spent all day trying to balance a screw on it's tip.

All I ended up doing by the end was just screwing around.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2020
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I spent $9.95 on a tin of holiday nuts. My wife thought that was too expensive.

I said, "$9.95? That's nut tin, honey."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2019
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My dad spent his entire life making clocks.

He had a lot of time of his hands.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Edward01986
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who held the world record for most time spent on the toilet?

He was de-throned.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2020
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I said "kansas" like "kansaw" like you know, how "arkansas" is pronounced, and once my bf told me the truth, i spent my life seeing who would correct me and it wasnt suprising.

I was told a long time ago your true friends will be honest with you, especially if it's not something that will hurt your feelings really bad.

So this life long joke of "kansaw" was only ever corrected by boyfriends, best friends, and family. Others were people thinking i meant "warsaw" in which i frantically said oh no no no!

I made a point to be say this one main line like "omg can a tornado in kansaw just suck me out of this"

"Maybe i should move to Kansaw where its just wind and tornadoe shelters"

I tried to make it come up organically as possible though.

But the other times where people said nothing, some of these people good friends, now have a joke behind my back but i had it behind their backs first....

Life is fun

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ashhtreeee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2019
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I've spent two years looking for my ex's killer

But no-one will do it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 117
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2019
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If you spent all day in a well...

...your day would be well spent.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unic0rnism
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I spent all night wondering where the sun whent.

Then it dawned on me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2019
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