If Virginia wore a New Jersey what did Delaware?
I don’t know, Alaska. (I’ll ask her)
My toes fell asleep after I wore shoes that were too small
I wore a diaper to the comedy show
Just for shits and giggles
Did you hear about the mobsters that always wore costumes?
They were a bunch of wise guise.
I once asked a pirate about why he wore an eye patch.
He told me he used to have a glass eye, but that it had become infected. When he went to the doctor he was prescribed three eye drops each morning and evening. By the first morning though he’d dropped it so many times it had shattered!
My wife yelled, “Hey, the sun’s coming out!” So I wore my shorts and flip flops and came downstairs.
Found my son holding hand with his boyfriend.
My girlfriend wore a negligee as she went climbing the cliff...
My son’s blue crayon wore out, so I gave him a yellow crayon to paint.
He said, “This blue up. Thanks for the gold.”
I had an employee at the hotel that ironed the bed sheets. I noticed that as the days wore on, the number of sheets ironed was going down.
Her job performance was de-creasing.
My friend Phil wore my dad's footwear yesterday
but his Shoes were too big to phil
I lost my sweatpants, so I wore a pair of jeans to the gym.
My family all wore vests for the annual family photo day.
It was the vest day ever. Until i had to take mine off. I just wasn't as invested as they were.
I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?
He said....
No one likes a brown nose.
Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?
He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
You may not believe that the Canadian PM once wore black-face, but it's Trudeau.
If I had 5 cents for every time I wore cologne
Then I probably wore 5 different colognes at a time
I accidentally wore my Spanish friend’s rain boots instead of mine.
Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.
Did you hear about the French man who always wore denim?
His name was Jean Jaquette.
My Dad: “Did you hear about the lousy painter who always wore a jacket?”
“He thought one coat was enough”
What do you call Thor if he just wore black pants?
Did you guys see the tshirt the rocket wore?
when i was in highschool ,i had a stressed math teacher who always wore a ponytail
she just never let her hair down
I wore the rubber out on my tires
It’s a shame, now I’m gonna have to retire.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn’t think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What if mosquitoes wore fedoras
Mosquito tips fedora
"M'laria"
Two coworkers were having a competition on who wore the better accessory on the neck. Who won?
I wore crocs in public today
I guess you could say i've hit croc bottom
I wore five pairs of socks to my wedding
Eve wore a fig leaf
If Eve wore a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden...what did Adam wear??
A hole in the fig leaf.
While at Weinerschnitzel a young man who was clearly stoned stepped behind me in line. She wore a shirt that read "I'm just saying you've never seen me and Batman in the same room before."
Before he ordered I turned to him and said "I'm just saying you've never seen a dinosaur and a hotdog in the same room before." The look on his face was priceless
I wore my pants made out of saran wrap to my psychiatrist appointment yesterday.....
He said, "I can clearly see your nuts!"
I wore a denim jacket over a denim shirt today...
some would say that is jeanius
If a fox wore gloves lined with rabbit fur
If philosophers wore uniforms what would their badges say?
When I was about 11, I wore my hair in a ponytail. Dad asked me, "You know what's under a ponytail, don't you?"
I wore contacts today.
But I brought my glasses in case.
http://i.imgur.com/1EsZNrl.jpg
If we wore a scarf on our butt...
Would we call it an asscot?
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