A knight was trying to woo several maidens he knew with some jokes...

He had different kinds of jokes for each maiden, as he knew they each had different types of humor. Margaret was first, and the knight stood before her and tried out a new knock knock joke. A boy watching nearby asked his mother, "why did he tell her a knock knock joke?" The mother replied, "well sweetie that's because her husband used to always tell them, so she appreciates them more." Next was Priscilla, and as the knight stood before her he tried out the joke the court jester told him. "Why did the knight use a court jester joke?" Asked the boy. "Well sweetie that's because Priscilla isnt very bright and she wouldnt understand most other jokes." Finally it was Dawn's turn. The knight began his joke but the mother quickly covered the boys ears. "Why did you do that?" Asked the boy. "Because you are too young for the humor the knight uses on her, and the knight is always darkest before Dawn."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 53
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DeChadley
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I first met my wife at a fancy dress party, where I was dressed as a ghost.

I decided to woo her.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.

To wit: to woo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vbloke
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wee-woo-wee-woo!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paper-machete56
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"

Because pepper would make them sneeze!

She's six. She's awesome.

EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/evanphi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You know, owls never go on a date if it's raining.

It's too wet to woo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nonions
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?

Woo! Tang is forever!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/waldo06
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was sitting on a park bench with my 6 year old son, watching the pigeons wooing each other...

My son said, "look dad, they're all lovey-dovey!"

Never been more proud!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What are some good valentines science puns to woo the ladies?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mdichiara1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The key to a great Thanksgiving dinner is...

The tur-KEY.

Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.

And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.

To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Knock knock

Whoโ€™s there? Woo Woo who?

Why are you excited?

One of my first Dad joke attempts and my kids didnโ€™t even get it, sigh.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/myenemy666
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Fathers of reddit what are some good softball puns that I can use?

I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isnโ€™t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Aqualogarithm8
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
DadHelp wanted: more variants for "interrupting cow" knock-knock joke to amuse kids

Everyone knows the interrupting cow knock knock joke but we like making up KKJs for other cows. Here are some of ours; please add more so I can continue to surprise and delight the young people near and dear to me. TIA!

(Obviously each joke goes "Knock knock" etc. I'll just write the "cow" part and the punchline)

  • French cow: le moo

  • Backwards cow: oom

  • Upside down cow: woo

  • Sad cow: moo hoo hoo

  • Ghost cow: moo-oo-oo-oooo

  • Police cow: moo ee oo ee oo ee oo

  • Cow on a motorbike: (make zooming moo)

  • Cow in disguise: Baa

  • Horse in disguise: Moo

  • Invisible cow: (quickly cover child's eyes) Moo

  • Inaudible cow:

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/A2S2020
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
WOO WOO WOO! [Owl City/Liam Neeson]
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DavyAsgard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2012
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.

All I had to do was wok in for my interview!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StuntsMonkey
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
so i hear that cops are really good with the ladies

anytime one passes me on the road i just hear โ€˜em bragging about โ€œwe wooโ€.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/i--suck
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why donโ€™t owls breed in the rain?

Because itโ€™s too wet to woo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

๐Ÿ‘︎ 122
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Olt44
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Busta Rhymes has released a song about the coronavirus.

Woo Han!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shockspeare1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My son said he wanted to become a pyromancer.

I told him it's much easier to woo a cake.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 158
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/insanotard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Jokes I didn't need to hear from my Dad s01e01

My mom had surgery on her arm today. When she got out, my dad was joking with the nurse asking when she'd be able to vacuum, do the dishes, etc. Nurse just rolled her eyes at everything.

My mom in an attempt to curb his joking, said 'By the way, honey, the doctor said no sex for a month'

He responds instantly with 'Okay, what'd the dentist say?'

Took my mom a minute to get it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/whatevers_clever
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife groaned at this one (Not in the sexy way either...)

One of my wife's bosses is from China with the family name Wong.

Wife was telling me that said boss just had a baby a few months ago.

(At this moment, my dad powers started kicking in...)

Me: "Huh, that's cool. When her husband visits the office next time, you should ask them if the baby's Caucasian."

Wife: "What?! Why?"

Me: Cause I wanna know if two 'Wongs' make a 'White'..."

Her eyes rolled so hard they detached.

Edit: Thanks for front page folks! Glad I could make you laugh (or groan...)

Edit 2: Thank you for the gold!

Edit 3: WIFE'S IN THE THREAD!! Abort! Abort! Wee woo wee woo wee woo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hephaestus1219
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife threatened to leave me over my obsession with Blur

WOO HOO!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Clbull
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I would drop my best dad joke here

But I donโ€™t want to break it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/twist-17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Duck Tales tv show

Knock knock

Whoโ€™s there?

Duck Tales

Duck Tales who?

          WOO!๐ŸŽถ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Laughs-In-Hidden-
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I have trained them well, now the wife is in on it... Me: (after a long hot weekend) I need to get a fan.

Wife: Woo! You're the best. Gooooo husband!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 278
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RoundBottomBee
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do you dress up a pig?

With a hog-tie.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PancakesandMaggots
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you know that precipitation prohibits owl reproduction?

It's too wet to woo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mister_pleco
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a ghetto onion?

A rapscallion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 88
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hashsmasher
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why can't owls get dates in the rain?

It's too wet to woo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/D12TTA
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Got a customer today at work

I work at Tim Horton's (Coffee shop in the Northeast US/Canada).

Lady: Can I have a medium with nothing in it?

Me: Okay, but do want the coffee too?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/musicguy2341
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the courting owl say when it was raining?

Too wet to woo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sroka87
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why can't owls mate in the rain?

Because it's too-wet-to-woo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/babbaboey
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dralnu22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Do you know what cows say when they sled down a hill on their back?

Woo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sachmet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
New book recommendations from Dad!

Brown Spots on the Wall by Woo Flung Poo

Yellow River by I. P. Nightly

Under The Bleachers by Seymour Bawtz

40 Yards to the Outhouse written by Will E. Mayket, illustrated by Betty Whont

๐Ÿ‘︎ 27
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/icebemily
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You have a fortnight to make an owl fall in love

Two weeks to woo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KnightAdz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why don't owls date in the rain?

Because it's too wet to woo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ElliottP1707
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.