A knight was trying to woo several maidens he knew with some jokes...

He had different kinds of jokes for each maiden, as he knew they each had different types of humor. Margaret was first, and the knight stood before her and tried out a new knock knock joke. A boy watching nearby asked his mother, "why did he tell her a knock knock joke?" The mother replied, "well sweetie that's because her husband used to always tell them, so she appreciates them more." Next was Priscilla, and as the knight stood before her he tried out the joke the court jester told him. "Why did the knight use a court jester joke?" Asked the boy. "Well sweetie that's because Priscilla isnt very bright and she wouldnt understand most other jokes." Finally it was Dawn's turn. The knight began his joke but the mother quickly covered the boys ears. "Why did you do that?" Asked the boy. "Because you are too young for the humor the knight uses on her, and the knight is always darkest before Dawn."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeChadley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Wee-woo-wee-woo!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paper-machete56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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What are some good valentines science puns to woo the ladies?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdichiara1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2016
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WOO WOO WOO! [Owl City/Liam Neeson]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavyAsgard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2012
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I was sitting on a park bench with my 6 year old son, watching the pigeons wooing each other...

My son said, "look dad, they're all lovey-dovey!"

Never been more proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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You know, owls never go on a date if it's raining.

It's too wet to woo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nonions
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"

Because pepper would make them sneeze!

She's six. She's awesome.

EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanphi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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The key to a great Thanksgiving dinner is...

The tur-KEY.

Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.

And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.

To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Knock knock

Who’s there? Woo Woo who?

Why are you excited?

One of my first Dad joke attempts and my kids didn’t even get it, sigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myenemy666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Fathers of reddit what are some good softball puns that I can use?

I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isn’t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aqualogarithm8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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DadHelp wanted: more variants for "interrupting cow" knock-knock joke to amuse kids

Everyone knows the interrupting cow knock knock joke but we like making up KKJs for other cows. Here are some of ours; please add more so I can continue to surprise and delight the young people near and dear to me. TIA!

(Obviously each joke goes "Knock knock" etc. I'll just write the "cow" part and the punchline)

  • French cow: le moo

  • Backwards cow: oom

  • Upside down cow: woo

  • Sad cow: moo hoo hoo

  • Ghost cow: moo-oo-oo-oooo

  • Police cow: moo ee oo ee oo ee oo

  • Cow on a motorbike: (make zooming moo)

  • Cow in disguise: Baa

  • Horse in disguise: Moo

  • Invisible cow: (quickly cover child's eyes) Moo

  • Inaudible cow:

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A2S2020
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.

All I had to do was wok in for my interview!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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so i hear that cops are really good with the ladies

anytime one passes me on the road i just hear β€˜em bragging about β€œwe woo”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i--suck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olt44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Why don’t owls breed in the rain?

Because it’s too wet to woo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Busta Rhymes has released a song about the coronavirus.

Woo Han!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shockspeare1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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Jokes I didn't need to hear from my Dad s01e01

My mom had surgery on her arm today. When she got out, my dad was joking with the nurse asking when she'd be able to vacuum, do the dishes, etc. Nurse just rolled her eyes at everything.

My mom in an attempt to curb his joking, said 'By the way, honey, the doctor said no sex for a month'

He responds instantly with 'Okay, what'd the dentist say?'

Took my mom a minute to get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatevers_clever
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
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My son said he wanted to become a pyromancer.

I told him it's much easier to woo a cake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanotard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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I would drop my best dad joke here

But I don’t want to break it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twist-17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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My wife threatened to leave me over my obsession with Blur

WOO HOO!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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My wife groaned at this one (Not in the sexy way either...)

One of my wife's bosses is from China with the family name Wong.

Wife was telling me that said boss just had a baby a few months ago.

(At this moment, my dad powers started kicking in...)

Me: "Huh, that's cool. When her husband visits the office next time, you should ask them if the baby's Caucasian."

Wife: "What?! Why?"

Me: Cause I wanna know if two 'Wongs' make a 'White'..."

Her eyes rolled so hard they detached.

Edit: Thanks for front page folks! Glad I could make you laugh (or groan...)

Edit 2: Thank you for the gold!

Edit 3: WIFE'S IN THE THREAD!! Abort! Abort! Wee woo wee woo wee woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hephaestus1219
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
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How do you dress up a pig?

With a hog-tie.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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Duck Tales tv show

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Duck Tales

Duck Tales who?

          WOO!🎢
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laughs-In-Hidden-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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I have trained them well, now the wife is in on it... Me: (after a long hot weekend) I need to get a fan.

Wife: Woo! You're the best. Gooooo husband!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoundBottomBee
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
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What do you call a ghetto onion?

A rapscallion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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Did you know that precipitation prohibits owl reproduction?

It's too wet to woo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mister_pleco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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Got a customer today at work

I work at Tim Horton's (Coffee shop in the Northeast US/Canada).

Lady: Can I have a medium with nothing in it?

Me: Okay, but do want the coffee too?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/musicguy2341
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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Why can't owls get dates in the rain?

It's too wet to woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D12TTA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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What did the courting owl say when it was raining?

Too wet to woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sroka87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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Why can't owls mate in the rain?

Because it's too-wet-to-woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/babbaboey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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Do you know what cows say when they sled down a hill on their back?

Woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sachmet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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New book recommendations from Dad!

Brown Spots on the Wall by Woo Flung Poo

Yellow River by I. P. Nightly

Under The Bleachers by Seymour Bawtz

40 Yards to the Outhouse written by Will E. Mayket, illustrated by Betty Whont

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebemily
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2013
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You have a fortnight to make an owl fall in love

Two weeks to woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightAdz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Why don't owls date in the rain?

Because it's too wet to woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElliottP1707
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2013
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