You know why gay people can't win poker?
Cause they can't keep a straight face.
Why couldn't Johnny win the race?
Because all races are equal.
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
How did Landon Calrissian win the Millennium Falcon while playing Wheel of Fortune?
Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir”?
Sir: “Like winning an argument with my wife”.
Waiter “Rare it is!”.
My son was lamenting that he couldn't remember what the Ukrainian watercourse Uchan-su is and didn't win a prize...
I replied, "oh, Crimea river!"
Who was the 1st person to win the Nobel Prize?
Same person who invented the Door Knock...
me when I win an argument
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field
How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?
Who ever stops the extended warranty calls should win a prize.
I'm calling it The No-Bell Peace Prize.
Idc if you steal this I just thought of it while making lunch and I got another one of them.
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
You know why locomotive always win with the car?
Because all they do is training
I was racing my daughter to school this morning and I was winning.
She said that I was ahead, and I laughed when I told her “no, I’m a dad.”
What do you call a chess club bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?
Chessnuts boasting in an open foyer
A woman entered an online pun contest. She submitted ten different puns in the hope that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
My friend entered a contest to win a trip to a city on the French Riviera. He didn't win...
If Trump wins in 4 years he will halt all shredded cheese production.
He is going to make Americans grate again . . .
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.
Who always wins at the army quiz nights?
Why did the ghost soccer team win all their games?
They were amazing at possessing the ball.
*My son's joke. I'm so proud.
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?
Because was out standing in his field.
I was in the hotel lobby the other day when I heard 2 chess masters bragging about past wins.
They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
What happens if a cat wins a dog competition during a tornado?
Are ya winning son?
Yeah dad I'm winning.
Hi winning...
please no.
I M D A D
Why do British chess players always win?
Because their queen never dies
A big cat was spotted winning every race he ran.
How does a vegetable win a fight ?
A man's son entered a raffle to win the deed to an entire shopping plaza.
The son's ticket number wasn't the one picked to win. Despondently, the son told the results to his dad. In an effort to console him, his dad replied..."Well, sorry son, but you can't win the mall."
How many drugs did Charlie Sheen do?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What’s the opposite of winning hands down?
You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game?
Apparently, that's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.
What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
A son tells his Dad he wants to win the limbo contest at his school...
His dad says, "That's a pretty low bar."
Why can’t Satan’s cheerleading squad win any competitions?
Because they have literally no chants in Hell.
Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?
You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film
Why do foot fetishist never win?
Because they love the taste of defeet.
Did you hear about the nudist who competed in the Marathon?
I sent 10 puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
because he was out-standing in his field
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field
"Why did the scarecrow win an award?"
"Because he was outstanding in his field."
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
He was out standing in his field.
"Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field."
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