Just got laid off at work (NOT A JOKE)

Please give me the best dad jokes you got

Edit (10/8): WOW. I did not expect to get this many upvotes or awards, let alone this many dad jokes this early. Thank you all for helping me laugh/groan this entire coming weekend. Keep em coming!

Edit 2: 10K???!! I’m at a loss for words guys. Thank you so much for the love and making me laugh and groan my ass off for the next 3 months straight. Let’s make it 4! β™₯️

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bassistheplace246
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2021
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Dadjoked my son's friends in an online game. Nobody laughed.

Last night I was playing an online game with some of my son's friends, and one randomly texted on the in-game chat: "I just ate an apple. RAW!"

I wrote back, "That's hard core!"

Nobody laughed. At least, that I saw. :(

Edit: Holy moly, it gets mediocre response two days ago when it's posted, then it blows up over the weekend. Thanks for all the upvotes, folks! Love all the other terrible jokes & puns on here!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akambe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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[Request] puns about dice (for wedding favours)

Our wedding is next weekend, and we are giving out personalized dice as our favours. We thought "thank you for coming" was a little too bland, and we'd like to spice it up with a dice pun. Any pun suggestions that also tie into the cutesy wedding/romantic setting? So far I've found "we make a great pair" and a lot of puns around the word "dicey", but I'm hoping you fine folks can help us out.

Edit: We are huge gamers which is why we went with the dice. This isn't a Vegas wedding or anything similar, so jackpot related jokes aren't quite what we're looking for. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kirstybobirsty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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Got my wife good with this one.

Driving in the car on the way to the mall while listening to The Weeknd's new album when I turn and say:

Oh, I did a little research and discovered where he was born.

Her: Really? Where?

Me: A little place called Frisatsun.

Her: Where is that?

Me: it's on the weekend!

She punched me immediately.

*Edited for formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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My jokes are expected...But every so often I surprise myself...

I normally telegraph my jokes, but this one was totally natural... Talking to my wife about my sister's upcoming trip to DisneyWorld and how they were going in May...

Wife..."have talked to your sister about crowds because of the opening of Pandora at Animal Kingdom?"

"Yeh, they are going down opening weekend, but skipping Animal Kingdom completely, I bet it's going to be a real zoo there..."

Edit

Obligatory eye roll and groan.

"Holy crap, I didn't even do that on purpose!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilbandit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2017
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Buddy of mine brought me a late Christmas present at work today

He and I are constantly messaging/texting each other puns/dad jokes all the time, so he decided to take it up a notch for Christmas: http://i.imgur.com/adLQdap.jpg

EDIT: The bag is sugar by the way. Guess who's bringing in lemonade after the weekend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheUltraFA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
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