I'm sick of people saying we don't take care of the elderly in the US.
We give them high paying jobs in the senate and white house.
The preacher always was a bit of a pushover and people pleaser. Which is why we were all surprised when he drank a whole bottle of lye.
Guess he just really wanted to be based.
The Bartender says, "We only serve people from our time."
A time-traveller walks into a bar.
Less a dad joke, more a dad observation.... People lament on the first fish evolving to live on land and wish it had just stayed there so we don't have to get up early to go to work.
But then we'd have to go to school every day.
A group of monks where removed from the scene in front of the Playboy Mansion, where they were insistently trying to sell flowers to people entering or leaving the premises. One monk informed us that, "We would be pursuing this in court but,
Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars."
We should respect the people who wear glasses
They pay a lot of money just to see us...
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
We should really stop blaming the lazy people..
They didn't do anything..
As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...
A pun for the desi people out there. [When did life become OYO from Yo! We’ll never know.]
We the people... Don't like metric
I heard that during this virus outbreak, we shouldn't use the same faucets as other people.
It's something called social distance sink.
It's good to see people that carrot about world peas.It might seem corny, but to achieve world peas we have to beet the bad guys.
If there were a study exploring the pornography preference of people in each country, we could finally see what this world is coming to.
Pun chat in the tindersphere... Please r/puns, can we have a collective “uggghhhhh” that these people even exist?
My girlfriend and I wanted to get married in Hawaii so we met with people from the church...
They weren't clergy; they were lei people.
A friend and I went into business selling chess sets. During Christmas, we have to both work and ring people up at the register...
I hope I'm the first to say this about the next US presidential election. Last election left plenty of people mad, but we won't have any near sighted politicians next time, because whoever runs in 2020 will have a clear vision of the future.
Because 20/20 vision means you have perfectly good sight.
Pun on a pun: I wonder if RealClearPolitics.com will catch on.
We just played a new beta version of Clue, and it came down to 2 people being the culprit, the lady who makes climbing devices or the transgender who is a 3D printer...
Was it the latter or the former?
It's a shame we're only seventeen people in total. If we had one more person we could go to the club
Because we need to be 18 to enter
People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar
Dad, everytime we go to this store we see the same people!
Us.
(My 7-year-old daughter at the grocery store this morning).
A lot of people over at /r/funny think they know the best reversed GIF, but we know that *this* is truly the best reversed GIF
http://i.imgur.com/W0ZYeB6.jpg
"We can't just let people dump oil on the sides of hills willy nilly!"
Beginning of a Slippery Slope argument.
People were looking for tickets at a concert by holding one finger in the air...as we passed I would look up.
One dude got it, thus validating what I was doing.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
The bartender says "We don't serve you people here."
Two time-travellers walk into a bar
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