Wanted Puns

I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”

Only one was like "Yemen"

I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.

Its just something I can see myself doing.

But then i was like Na

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

When she asked where I said anywhere but here I need some peace and quiet

I have to give it away now

But it's just too cheesy.

...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.

He could never pass the bar

Gas, liquid, and solid

Have to try again later because for some reason I can‘t ATM.

To be honest this is pretty demolarizing

... the man agreed, but he doesn't have much experteas in the subject

Oh-Reagan-no!

Turns out identity theft is a crime

She prescribed me trans-and-dental medication.

I literally just reddit.

I didn’t want to go, but eventually I caved.

Now he speaks with a strange Axe scent.

What does it mean when you find horseshoes? It means a horse is walking round in its socks!

I am so proud of her! Edit: wording.

.....but it's only a draft.

I told them they were just being shellfish.

I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.

But my therapist thought that was a bad idea. He said it was not healthy to bottle emotions. Others told me that the product would fizz in sales.

I told him “tread lightly”.

So we got some punch and left. This joke kinda fell flat since their wasn't even a punchline to begin with.

They said the sky is the limit.

'Fringe Benefits'

My wife wanted to introduce a Vibrator into our relationship. I bought a vintage Harley-Davidson...

The Website told him that he can't do it because his password is "too short"

Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

So here I go again on my own.

So I installed 4 installs of half-life.

But I don't have health insurance or a retirement plan so I told her I couldn't.

Trying to reduce the enormous amount of laundry associated with kids,

I said, "you don't need to clean your rocketship. It's not dirty. Space is a vacuum"....

I could hear my wife's eyes roll in the next room. Success!

So I decided to get a job as a film star and hope a chef spots me.

I just couldn't accept all those perms and conditions!

However his plans were nothing more than a pipe dream.

so I gave him tea.

"Sorry, not PC enough."

...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.

Turns out, identity theft is a crime.