I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
I want to tell a vaccine joke
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Do you want hair, with more volume?
πππ
π£HAAAAIIIIIRπ£
π︎ 311
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
My wife and I don't want kids
So if anyone does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I have got loads of back issues.
π︎ 120
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
I wood not want to spend it
π︎ 25
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Why did the 3 want to hook up with the other 3?
Because of the six appeal.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
"What do we want?"
"Bigger placards"
"When do we want them?"
"No"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
I want to tell you about a girl that ate plants
but you've probably never heard of herbivore!!
π︎ 62
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
When you want to throw things at French politicians, an egg is un Εuf
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
How do you reject someone who wants to elope?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
The wife and I have decided we donβt want kids
Theyβre not taking it very well
π︎ 178
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
While at Starbucks, I said I didn't want the sippy cup lip.
They gave me my drink and said "this is the last straw."
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
You want some humantaschen?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did
Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car was when he drove over the cliff
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
Do you want hear a pig joke ?
Well, actually, I can't tell you , it's TOO DIRTY for reddit.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
A man thinks, he wants sex everyday...
Until he meets a woman, who wants sex everyday.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Do you want to kear a joke about Potassium?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
What does a Norse god do when they donβt want to attract attention?
They stay low key (Loki).
π︎ 35
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
What do ants take when they want to hallucinate ?
π︎ 159
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
Want to know how dead you are ?
Just put a % sign after your age.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
Maybe carbon doesn't want to be a diamond
it's just pressured into it
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?
Present Day.
I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
Why do teddy bears never want to eat?
Why they are always stuffed!
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
If Volkswagen makes a luxury electric car I want it to be called
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I donβt think Iβll quit just yet.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
I personally want to see Radigascar
π︎ 389
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
I want to push you around, yeah I will. I want to push you down, yeah I will. I want to take you for granite, yeah yeah yeah...
Rob Thomas volunteers to help the wheel chair bound elderly remodel their kitchen.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but Iβm holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
Anyone want a free air guitar?
π︎ 57
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, βDo you want to hear todayβs special?β
I said, βYes please.β
Waiter: βNo problem sir. Today is special.β
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Sep 13 2020
Want to hear a circumcision joke?
π︎ 268
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
Why didn't anyone want to date Alexa ?
Because every time she smiled she had a bluetooth.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
π︎ 74
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
I asked my co-worker, "Bro, you want this pamphlet?"
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Why did the popcorn want to press charges?
Because it was a-salt-ed!
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Anyone want some old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
Iβve got loads of back issues.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 63
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Anybody want my old copies of Chiropractic Monthly?
I have lots of back issues
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
" I want her home before before midnight."
Date : "But you already own her home"
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
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