I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
๐︎ 13k
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︎ Feb 27 2021
I want to tell a vaccine joke
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Feb 18 2021
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
๐︎ 8k
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Do you want hair, with more volume?
๐๐๐
๐ฃHAAAAIIIIIR๐ฃ
๐︎ 311
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︎ Feb 18 2021
My wife and I don't want kids
So if anyone does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I have got loads of back issues.
๐︎ 120
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︎ Feb 15 2021
I wood not want to spend it
๐︎ 25
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Why did the 3 want to hook up with the other 3?
Because of the six appeal.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
"What do we want?"
"Bigger placards"
"When do we want them?"
"No"
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I want to tell you about a girl that ate plants
but you've probably never heard of herbivore!!
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︎ Feb 22 2021
When you want to throw things at French politicians, an egg is un ลuf
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︎ Mar 01 2021
How do you reject someone who wants to elope?
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Dad to his son; โDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?โ
Son; โGo on, then.โ
Dad growls; โNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!โ
Son; โThatโs Superman.โ
Dad; โThanks, Iโve been practicing a lot.โ
๐︎ 15k
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︎ Oct 23 2020
The wife and I have decided we donโt want kids
Theyโre not taking it very well
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︎ Feb 02 2021
While at Starbucks, I said I didn't want the sippy cup lip.
They gave me my drink and said "this is the last straw."
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
You want some humantaschen?
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︎ Feb 25 2021
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did
Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car was when he drove over the cliff
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Do you want hear a pig joke ?
Well, actually, I can't tell you , it's TOO DIRTY for reddit.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
A man thinks, he wants sex everyday...
Until he meets a woman, who wants sex everyday.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Do you want to kear a joke about Potassium?
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︎ Feb 20 2021
What does a Norse god do when they donโt want to attract attention?
They stay low key (Loki).
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︎ Feb 10 2021
What do ants take when they want to hallucinate ?
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Want to know how dead you are ?
Just put a % sign after your age.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Maybe carbon doesn't want to be a diamond
it's just pressured into it
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︎ Feb 08 2021
What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?
Present Day.
I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Why do teddy bears never want to eat?
Why they are always stuffed!
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︎ Feb 02 2021
If Volkswagen makes a luxury electric car I want it to be called
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I donโt think Iโll quit just yet.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
I personally want to see Radigascar
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I want to push you around, yeah I will. I want to push you down, yeah I will. I want to take you for granite, yeah yeah yeah...
Rob Thomas volunteers to help the wheel chair bound elderly remodel their kitchen.
๐︎ 9
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but Iโm holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Anyone want a free air guitar?
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︎ Feb 08 2021
A man went to the doctorโs and told him, โI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.โ
He said, โWow, thatโs the worst case of parking sonโs disease Iโve ever seen.โ
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
๐︎ 5
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︎ Jan 30 2021
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, โDo you want to hear todayโs special?โ
I said, โYes please.โ
Waiter: โNo problem sir. Today is special.โ
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
๐︎ 17k
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Want to hear a circumcision joke?
๐︎ 268
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Why didn't anyone want to date Alexa ?
Because every time she smiled she had a bluetooth.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
I asked my co-worker, "Bro, you want this pamphlet?"
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Why did the popcorn want to press charges?
Because it was a-salt-ed!
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Anyone want some old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
Iโve got loads of back issues.
๐︎ 33
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︎ Feb 16 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Anybody want my old copies of Chiropractic Monthly?
I have lots of back issues
๐︎ 11
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
๐︎ 41
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︎ Jan 31 2021
" I want her home before before midnight."
Date : "But you already own her home"
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︎ Feb 07 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
๐︎ 9
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︎ Feb 02 2021
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