Never take a calculus exam when you are sitting next to two identical twins.
Itβs really hard to differentiate between them.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
George Clooney has a twin brother. Do you know what his name is?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
What is the favorite day of the week for twins?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
What's another name for twins?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
Lots of people know about Harley Quinn but very few people have heard about her twin brother who was stillborn...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
I once dated a girl that had a twin. . .
People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.
Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.
π︎ 99
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
My friend told me, βYour wife and daughter look like twins!β
I said, βWell, they were separated at birth.β
π︎ 24k
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
......and the second one Duplikate.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 240
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
So a mom and dad walk up to the register at work today holding baby twins.
I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.
She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
I know twin EMTs
You might say they are a paramedics
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
What do you call a waffle's evil twin?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
Why did one twin refuse to live with his brother?
Because he was a terrible womb-mate.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
What do you call identical twins that join the police force?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
I've been having an affair with my wife's siamese twin.
We're doing it behind her front.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
(Trust me it works when you say it out loud)
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
I have a twin brother in prison
We finish each other's sentences.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
π︎ 586
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
What did 50 cent do when he was hungry?
π︎ 125
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
My friend Jay recently had twins, and want to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I read a story about twin brothers born with a single body and shared organs.
Age 6 they were separated in a successful 13hr surgery. Later in life they went to prison for armed robbery. They served 10yrs. Afterwards they wrote their book about being ex-con joined twins.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
What do you call two loaves of bread baked in the same oven?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
Policeman taking a witness statement from the waiter after a shooting at a vegan bar..
Policeman: Can you describe the shooter?
Waiter: 6 feet, white male, grey shirt and a skirt made of parsley.
P: Parsley?
W: Yes. It was just a herb he wore.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
What did the Hispanic firefighter name his twin sons?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
A man called his twin brother from prison
βHey remember when we were kids and use to finish each otherβs sentences?β
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
My twin sister always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess.... we are raised differently.
π︎ 356
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
Womb-mates is an acceptable term for twins
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
My brother just had twins so I invited him to join the group.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.
One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.
So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".
Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.
π︎ 407
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls.
I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
What do you call conjoined twins that have emotionally bonded?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
π︎ 480
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
If I have twin daughters, I'll name one Kate
And I'll name the other DupliKate
π︎ 118
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 134
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mum only carries one photo......
...... because if youβve seen Juan youβve seen Amal
π︎ 340
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
........and the second one DupliKate.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
What's the name of Kate's identical twin?
π︎ 122
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
If I had twins I'd name the first one Bill
The second one is Doubill
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 08 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
