Two wind turbines are standing in a wind farm..one turns to the other and says “what’s your favorite kind of music?”
He replied “I’m a big metal fan!”
2 muffins baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says "Gosh, it's hot in here". The other replies;
"AAAAHH! TALKING MUFFIN!"
My son came in and asked me, "Why did the I turn into a frog?
Because he lives at I-hop.
(He was so proud of his dad joke, he asked me to post it... lol)
I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
2 snowmen out in a field, one turns to the other and says...
Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!
See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
The day my daughter turns 18, I’m going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
Two goldfish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says
How the heck do we drive this thing?
It's the opposite day and my friend challenges me in tic tac toe. when it's his turn, he grabs the pencil by his foot. I ask him why and he responds:
"I'm playing the toe tactic"
As a globe restorer, I never turn down projects where I have to fill in missing countries or islands. But missing equators?
That’s when I draw the line.
When a feline turns 13 they're 65 in cat years, so that means they are eligible for MediCare.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Told my wife when she turns 40, I was gonna have to trade her in on 2, 20's
She said that I wasn't wired for it.....
My son: The manual in the car says not to turn up the volume of the stereo to the maximum.
Me: That’s ....sound advice.
My teacher told me to turn in my essay...
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Son-“Dad it’s cold in here, can we turn the thermostat up”
Me - “No just go stand in the corner”
Son -“Why?”
Me - “Because it is always at 90 degrees”
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood!!
I come from a long line of fathers...
What do you call a 19 year old that turns 20 while in quarantine?
After the most historic series of fires ever, an arsonist goes into the police station to turn himself in.
It was his claim to flame
I made a righthand turn in Deadwood SD onto
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good! Turns out...
...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!
I had a hard time figuring out how to turn on the lights in my new apartment.
I couldn't reserve a seat in library. Turns out they were...
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Santa wakes in a start and turns to Mrs Claus
"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."
Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"
"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"
"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."
"Well?" Santa says expectantly.
"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."
So I was passing by a cemetery with my dad today, and he turns to me and goes, "You know, people living in Denver can't be buried there" and I look at him and ask him "Why?"
He looks at me and says "Because they aren't dead yet".
My dad and I were participating in a fantasy football draft together. After my pick, it was his turn.
Me: "You're up"
Dad: "Asia!"
Me: "What about Asia?"
Dad: "Well you said Europe!"
Thanks to u/adamdidit for being my "father" in this situation
(Turn the dome light on in the car before you start climbing a hill)
Wait till some one asks why you did that.
"I needed to make the car lighter to climb this hill"
I turn 21 in In 38 minutes and my nickname with my friends is “pickle” so how do I spend my birthday?
Well I “Relish” the moment obviously
Son: By law, you are actually required to turn on your headlights if if is raining in Sweden
Dad: Okay, but how the hell do I know if it’s raining in Sweden?
Two goldfish are in a tank, one of them turns to the other and says
Hey! Who’s gonna drive this thing?
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
TIL: If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head.
TIL: If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Two wind turbines sit in the ocean, one turns to the other and says “What music do you listen to?”
The turbine says “I’m a massive heavy metal fan”
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head.
Two goldfish are in a tank, one turns and says to the other,
“how do you drive this thing?”
Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says...
"Anybody know how to drive this thing?"
I couldn't reserve a seat in library. Turns out they were...
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
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