After hours of searching, I’m happy to say I tracked down my brides beloved pet dolphin...
Finally, I found my wife’s porpoise
I was looking for the sound track to Mortal Kombat
but all I could find was a bunch of Finnish Hymns.
Best way to keep track of epic times!
Does a train have teeth?
Then how can it choo choo?
Complements of my 6 year old.
How did people in the ancient world keep track of how many people they made out with?
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Russia have just launched a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies
How hard is it to track down a bread thief?
He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.
His name is.....
Choo choo Twain!
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, “now my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”
I replied, now you know how I feel.
Have you heard Beyonce's new track dedicated to Scottish roofers?
"All The Shingle Laddies"
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.
My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...
I told them, "You guys should take turns".
Apparently that new tropical storm is really hard to track. I keep seeing on the news TROPICAL STORM ETA
but they never say when it’ll hit.
How does poop keep track of it’s thoughts and feelings?
Diary-uh or a log. Depends how sappy...
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
My wife made a graph to track her periods.
USPS Questions
Should tortillas be sent flat rate?
Is armor headgear sent over knight?
Is an addicts mail tracked?
Is mail to Gold's gym sent bulk rate?
Should mail to a school's kindergarten be sent 1st class?
Should the IRS send return receipts?
just wondering...
My wife asked how I keep track of all my dadjokes from Reddit. I told her that I write the ones I like on little yellow...
A COVID tracking app has been released, but I don't know...
I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didn’t draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously
.....and that’s when I drew the line.
Help! I started arranging them by artist but that wasn’t right. Then by title, but that wasn’t right either. Nor by colour. Nor alphabetically by first track title. Finally, I arranged them by number of tracks, but I just couldn’t get them in the right order. So I got rid of them all. Do I have 0CD?
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
How do ranchers keep track of all their cows?
Some Campy Humor
Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.
"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.
"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.
The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:
"Clearly the Czech is in the male."
How does the Battlestar Galactica track it's mileage?
This watermelon is from the wrong side of the tracks
Did you hear about the man who hid his train set?
He was good a covering his tracks
It must be really easy being a train engineer
All you have to do is stay on track
What cell service provider do track stars use?
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Do you know how I keep track of all my Mediterranean friends?
Italy.
(My friends actually appreciated this one so I thought I'd share it here.)
How do meteorologist track lightning strikes?
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down...
There’s a new company that goes in conventions and claim they can track you by your smell
But they can’t do it without your con scent
He must be having a pretty good track record!
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.
I think I'll skip to track 2 now.
Especially if it's a good book that makes you lose track of the time
My boss said to me "You're the worst train driver ever! How many have you derailed this year?!"
I said "I don't know... it's hard to keep track"
My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
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