A slow poke
A turtle disaster
Where you left it.
To get to the Shell station.
Tortellini
It was a turtle disaster!
I am a proud father.
Wife: Your teacher has a Russian Tortoise.
6-year old son: Why is called Russian when it goes so slow.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Bonus dad points the longer you draw it out with your arms in the air and/or in a public place)
It was a turtle disaster.
My SO and I were wondering what the plural of tortoise was.
"Is it tortoises or tortae?" we asked, walking.
"We're in Mexico, it's tortilla."
It goes into riga-tortoise
So I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Nothing, he forgot
They tortoise a lot.
Strange name but she tortoise well..
Pets I want to have....
An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named Beeyoncé. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.
a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Because it has tortoise so much.
Rigor tortoise
So she could star in “The Tortoise and the Hair.”
Tortoise
They tortoise everything
I heard on the radio that a truck full of terrapins crashed into a truck full of tortoises. The police said it was a turtle disaster.
I was at work today speaking with a few of my coworkers when we start talking about lunch. Two of my coworkers start talking about fast food restaurants they like going to when:
CW: I try not to eat fast food, but I really can’t help myself sometimes!
Me: I try to eat the slowest food possible, which is why I exclusively eat Tortoises.
CW: Well, all of—
It took them a couple seconds, but when they all looked at me with that “oh my gosh, you said what?” look, it made it all worth it.
Did I ever tell you about the one between a tortoise and a hare?
I spotted a turtle swimming in one of the ponds. A kid with a family next to me excitedly said, "it looks like he 's coming over here!"
To which I replied, "yeah, he's coming right tortoise."
A slow poke
what do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?
tortellini
Odd name but she tortoise well
They tortoise everything
