This happened tonight. Dinner at a Japanese restaurant. My appetizer was a tuna taco topped with wakeme
Singing “Wakeme up before you go go” apparently wasn’t as hysterical to everyone else.
In 1991 I had a white t-topped '84 Pontiac Trans Am. Guess what I had on the back hatch?
I topped off a round of cheesy jokes with an epic dad joke
I was telling some jokes to a friend while grabbing a cup of coffee and my very last one tanked pretty hard. While I was leaving he said, "You should have left on a high note!" I immediately apologized and sang a nice, high pitched note on my way out the door.
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
"Gloria in Excel sheets Deo"
They just don’t taste right!
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him it’s Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied “papa dumb”
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
After a long hike to the top of a mountain, my wife asked me, “So what do you think of The View?”
I said, “Whoopi Goldberg is ok, but I don’t like the other women on the show.”
what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.
After all, it was a low bar to climb.
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?
What does a blind woman say when she gets to the top of the Space Needle?
Nothing, cause she can't Seattle.
Top places to get a bunch of doves
- Bird store
- Magicians warehouse
Why was the farmer afraid to rescue the cow from on top of the barn?
The steaks were too high.
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
Trump's top aides have Coronavirus
It would appear he has a staff infection
A woman starting a hike at the Grand Canyon asked me how the trail was as I reached the top
I said “it’s all downhill from here!”
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, occasionally has 12 letters, always has 6 letters, and never has 5 letters.
But nothing tops a cheese pizza.
Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together,
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
if you wrote an essay about why capitalism was bad
would you gain or lose marks for not using capital letters...?
Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
I pack a soda in my bag everyday but it HAS to be on top.
Wouldn’t want it to get flat.
A boy loves eating his bread with lemon squirted on top
One day, his dad comes across him eating like this and says, "That do be sourdough"
I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!
That’s right!
.... Everyone.
What do you call a chicken who sits on top of a building?
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
Why do these reposts of the butane joke keep getting upvoted to the top?
What has a bottom at the top?
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