Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
What did the ninja delivery boy say to the office manager when he was delivering an unexpected order of pens, pencils, and paper goods?
I told my wife I was going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order. She said "Where would you find the time ?"
I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"
You would expect A Queue to go in order
but it skips b c d e f g h I j k l m n o and p
I must have 10 New Order records but I only ever seem to play one of them.
I have a serious Substance abuse problem
In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.
I practice social diss dancing.
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
Went to my butchers for my dinner but he gave me the wrong order
Judge: I order you to pay $10,000.
Mario: Why?
Judge: It's a fine.
Mario: No, itsa not.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said alphabetically or by age
A guy came into the bar to order a glass of Coca-Cola's first diet drink, saying to put it on his bill.
You can order bathroom fixtures online and have someone at you door in a couple days ready to install it,
A queen ant's job is to keep order in the colony...
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
I thought we're supposed to isolate in order to "flatten the curve,"
but I'm only getting fatter.
-My dad
WAITER: are you ready to order?
DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew
WAITER: only if you promise not to say “waiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it
...
DAD: I’ll have the chicken
Would you like your order führer or to go?
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
Whenever I find a difficult level on a game I give up and go search for a walkthrough in order to clear it.
I really should get past this phase.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
My daughter has to screen the light from windows and doors in order to get ideas...
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
In order to have a murder of crows, there must be probable caws.
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I got into a huge argument with my wife over what kind of bread to order at the Indian restaurant
But it turned out to be a naan issue
To order pizza or make it at home
What did Shakespeare order when he went to McDonalds?
Is it worse to be out of order
I wanted to write a joke about restraining orders.
This is as close as I could get though.
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.
The seller said, “Oh, that last one is a freebee!”
What did the judge order when they went up to the bar?
Can someone tell me if it's true that fishermen put maggots in their mouths in order to warm them up?
Awaiting a reply with baited breath...
what did the south american bird order when it went to mcdonalds?
My girlfriend had OCD and so she likes to organize the plates by the year they were manufactured. It’s a really rare dish order.
In order to go to Hogwarts...
... you need to Slither in through the Griffin door.
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.
I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.
Recently, I have started gardening and started to plant all my herbs in alphabetical order. People often ask how I find the time.
I tell them “it’s next to the sage”
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
A friend and I went to Mcdonalds. They have these new digital machines you order from. I had my friend order a mc-chicken at the counter at the same time I ordered an egg McMuffin at the machine.
I wanted to see what came first, the chicken or the egg.
A church recently sustained a lot of damage, and had to hire a contractor in order to replace all of it's bells which were destroyed. After completing the work, all of the contractors were promptly arrested.
They were charged with re-belling.
My son and I went to a new Vietnamese restaurant that offers herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup. When they brought our order, I said…
"Look, thyme fries when you’re having pho!"
What do bees like to order at Mexican restaurants?
Today I went to a college visit, and in order to speed up the line for food I just grabbed some butter for my bagel and put it in my pocket
My sister said, oh no, it almost fell out! You butter watch it! ;D
I’m so proud of her, I’ve raised her well
Apparently you can now place an order with your local bakery and have it delivered to you via drone...
Sounds like pie in the sky to me.
Waitress: Are you ready to order guys?
Me: I’ll pass on the guys and order a burger.
A man recently immigrated to a new land were he doesn’t speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch everyday. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?
Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!
Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.
Recently, my father passed away in the hospital. He had a cardiac problem, and we needed to perform a blood transfusion in order to save him. Unfortunately, none of us knew his blood type.
As he was dying, he kept telling us to "be positive," but it's incredibly hard to without him.
I think it's neat to order whisky, no ice
As I sat at the bar, unsure of what to order, I realized I was in for a long night of pour decisions.
When you order spicy chicken wings, you expect them to be spicy.
Yes, else they would be mildly disappointing.
A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time to make her uncomfortable.
The bartender says, “Take a pitcher. It’ll last longer.”
I was at KFC but I didn't know what to order.
I guess I'll just wing it.
I wanted to order a pizza with my friends...
So I said, why don’t we ask dom, he knows
Most people don't know that in order to be a programmer your eyesight must be correctable to 20/20.
You have to be able to C#.
What is Fozzie Bear's favorite thing to order at a Mexican restaurant?
A sandwich walks into a bar and says I’d like to order a beer...
The Bartender says,”Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.
I love using Anker cables, I bought a ton of them to charge all my devices. Although, I have so many of them now, it's hard to keep them in order.
I need to take an Anker Management class.
Chick-fil-a was really slow getting my order out to me.
They must’ve been off their Chick-fil- “A-game”
At a restaurant last night I tried to order a fancy coffee for dessert
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
Law students have to do bench presses in order to become a lawyer.
That's why it's called the bar exam.
When I was in the army, our captain told us to dress as water dwelling birds, make quaking noises and just recline lazily in order to blend into the environment. But I doubted how effective that would be.
I was sure we’d be sitting ducks.
What’s a cat’s favourite dish to order from Nando’s?
So I went to the Doughnut Shop and bought a dozen orders of a dozen doughnuts.
In order to improve our relationship, my neighbor and I have decided to share our water.
We are trying to get a long well.
What do you need in order to poop in the woods?
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
If you organize the 50 states in descending order by admittance to the Union...
Then Pennsylvania would be the pennultimate state.
I was trying to show my dad the advantages of storing his passwords in the cloud in order to never lost them and have access from anywhere when...
He looked at my with a smile in his face and say... "But what if it's sunny?"
what do you need in order to approach a girl in a bar ?
What does a panda say to customer service when he can’t find his order number?
In the 1970s farmers attempted giving weed to cows in order to improve milk production. However, they concluded the steaks were too high.
Son: "Amazon ran out of the dumbbells I wanted to order."
Dad: I guess you're on the "weight list"!
Tony Stark builds super-advanced tech and dangerous weapons in order to keep the world safe?
They should call him Iron-y Man.
A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"
The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"
I told my wife that I’m going to arrange all the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”
Judge to Mario... I order you to pay £10000
Mario: Why?
Judge: It's a fine
Mario: (Sadly) No its a not
I told my wife, “I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.”
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “That should be easy. Next to the sage.”
People often say to me after rearranging my garden in alphabetical order, how did I find the time.
I said it is there next to the sage.
I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order
Someone asked me ‘Where do you find the time’
I said ‘Right next to the sage’
I told my wife that I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She asked, "Where will you find the time?"
I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"
You have to be light in order to have no mass.
A woman walks in to a bar and orders a double entendre.
So the Bartender gives it to her
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