Hot and fresh, made to order puns!
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I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."
Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I told my wife, “From here on, I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order.”
She said, “Where will you find the time?”
Me: Easy. Right next to the sage.
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
I've placed simultaneous orders for a rotisserie chicken on Uber Eats, and for an egg omelette on DoorDash
Looks like we're about to find out, once and for all, what comes first!
I called in an order for pickup at my local vegan grocery, but they said they don't serve devil worshipers...
All I said was: kale, seitan.
What do you order when you don’t want to share your food?
What did the skeleton order with his beer?
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night.
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Jazz icon Dave Brubeck's deli order?
Blue Rondo à la Turkey on Rye.
I ordered a Caesar salad from the restaurant for lunch today.
They absolutely killed it.
Someone told me Trumps last order as president is to outlaw shredded cheese.
Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again 🤔
I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.
A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink
He tells the bartender, “put it on my bill”
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
My mom, ordering at a restaurant: I’ll have the chef’s salad, please.
Dad: Honey, that’s a little rude. Just have your own.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes along way.
Two man walk into a coffee shop, one of them orders a Cup of Tea and starts stripping.
The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?
To which the second man says: he's new to Tea
Terrorist walks into a bar and orders a vodka on the rocks
Bartender picks up a piece of ice, and asks "you like ice?"
Terrorist says "Yes, but more than one would be nice"
Bartender grabs another piece of ice and asks "so, you like ices?"
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
If a clock you ordered arrived in the mail,
That means your time is here
I ordered pulled pork in a restaurant this evening.
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?
So I was at Chili’s the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why
I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. I’m now banned at all Chili’s restaurants in the USA
Went to a Japanese restaurant and ordered toad legs
Miso Horny, as they called it
TIFU: by ordering a sandwich my boss was allergic to.
So I order a drink on the rocks with a hint of citrus...
I was given a drink with limestone.
What do you get if you divorce your mail-order bride?
What did the Pirates of the Caribbean order from the Bakery?
They said they wanted a torte to go.
Two guys at a bar order drinks. The first says "I'll have some H2O." The second says "Yeah, I'll have some H2O too."
When you order a clock online and it arrives
Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, “ok sir, and which side?”
I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.
Cashier: “sir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
A Dad goes to a restaurant and orders a salad
Waitress: "Not a problem, what kind of dressing do you prefer?"
Dad: "Un dressing is my favorite"
Credit: my old man
If you spell the words “Absolutely Nothing” backwards, you get “Gnihton Yletulosba,” which ironically means...
I ordered a beer and the bartender said "Sorry, I only have root beer."
So I had him put it in a square glass.
A length of rope walks into a bar and orders two shots...
the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, “ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, “ No, I’m a frayed knot”.
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
“It’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff”, he replied.
“Sure”, said the bartender, “no hassle”.
I ordered a book on overthinking today
I'm really worried it will never get here.
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese?
3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
So I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night.
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