I told him it's between 8am and 1pm.
Ten tickles!
Of course it only has eight of those.
So the first two were test tickles!
I guess I suffer from premature ejokeulation
These zoo meetings are really taking off.
But you didn't laugh
They even got a new actor to play the main role: Guy Gadot.
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.
She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.
Because they work on many levels
Well, toucan play at that game.
Windows
...because last year was 2020, but next year will be 2022.
Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.
I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.
When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."
From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"
Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
She got off
Scot-Free
second hand stores!
it's Hans free now..
They don't make them like they are going to anymore
That’s why the Bible starts with “In the big inning....”
A buck-an-ear!
I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!
Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
That was the punchline
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
But you didn't like it!
The bartender goes: "Don't start anything here"
It’s for Hispanic attacks
but you didn't like it
The procrasti-gator.
So far no one has given me a straight answer.
It's just two in tents
It's a little anti-clamatic. I was feeling shellfish so I tried to oyster up out of the water myself, just didn't have the mussel. With the help of a few horses I'd nearly done it, but they freaked at the sight of the thing and scalloped away.
He said it was the most violent golf course he ever attended.
A clockodile.
Oops, wrong sub.
Poor thing had swallowed a yo-yo
He laughs most of the time.
My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
Nevermind, I said in a stern voice. After a moment of silence she asked me if I had a bad day (hesitation in her voice). I asked Google to start playing the album.
They were required to toot in common.
He looks at his sasqwatch
Our newborn was sleeping on my chest yesterday. She woke up crying. "Woke up on the wrong side of the dad huh?" I said. She stopped crying.... Felt good.
Bathlehem
As a matter of Texan pride; remember the à la mode.
He’s low key
I told him it’s between 8am and 1pm
Hands down
