It is getting to, what can be, a difficult time of the year for many. If anyone is alone at Christmas, please let me know.
I need to borrow some chairs.
Why time travellers must beware of potentially causing time travel to never be invented.
The ancient Greek port city of Tempus was an outlet for international trade and rivaled Constantinople in it's heydays for commerce. City officials were warned by port authority to leave things as they were, but they were driven by profit and, against all counsel otherwise, added a second port to the tiny wharf. In it's first week of operation, the congestion caused from the extra traffic of the second dock resulted in absolute chaos, including a trade galleon being accidentally unmoored and set adrift without crew, and several panicked sailors and dockworkers died in the shark infested waters. Other sailors and laborers were so enraged by the officials' ineptitude of they began a riot which would have the town engulfed in anarchy and fire within a day. The city never recovered and now lays in ruin.
This is of course how the ancient Greeks learned the dangers of a pair of docks.
At one time, I thought I could be the world's greatest procrastinator
But I never got around to it
What can be literal and figurative at the same time ?
Due to this sub's unending debate about what equals a "Dad Joke", I have my own measure for whether or not to upvote/award... It must be more than some lame, unimaginative, "heard it 1000 times" pun. I just reviewed whether the top 10 jokes off all time from this sub meet this standard, and sadly...
New studies say listening to high-pitched noises for extended periods of time can be damaging
Do you think there will ever be a time when people stop mistaking Zelda for Link?
Personally, I think it's Hylian likely
My doctor once came across a pregnant woman whose fetus had a massive head. She was worried that when the time came her vagina wouldn't be able to stretch enough for the baby's head to fit through. She asked the doctor whether it would be safer to have a C-section. He said...
No. I'd give it a wide birth..
How amazing would it be to travel back in time to see Mt. Rushmore before they carved it up?
It would be un-presidented.
A group of linguists discussed what the word for the time between dawn and dusk should be
After a long, difficult discussion they decided to call it a day.
My mother-in-law happend to be washing dishes at the same time as me.
One might say we were... in sink
There’s a termite sitting at a bar and it’s taking a long time for him to be served.
So he leans over to the guy next to him and asks, is the bar tender here?
My friend once tried to console me when I was going through a rough time, saying "It could be worse mate - you could be stuck in one of those underground water things".
I know he meant well, but it didn't really help.
Did you know that after a male bee has sexy time that he dies? His life can be summed up into 3 words….
I used to be a workaholic and take my work home with me all the time
And that’s the story of how I got fired from my job at the bank
6:30 truly has to be the best time of the day.
First time posting here, please be lentil.
Years ago my little sister (6 @ the time) was building a popsicle-stick bridge in class and her classmate kept insisting it wasn't good enough. "It has to be perfect" ...
He said this over and over
Finally, baby sis turns to him and says : "what's your name again?"
"It's Josh"... He said, confused 🤔
Baby sis : "That's right. It's not Jesus!"
True story 😂
Couldn't help but to add a little Seal-pun in my latest video. Took almost as much time to make as the intro. It really sealed this one as my highest effort video yet. Despite the length I felt it wasn't watered down... (should be a Direct link to the pun, if not, 7m 54s in)
youtu.be/Ut-7PjwSGeE?t=7m…
Did you hear about the time the Queen of England ordered every single non-English person in the UK to be killed?
I use to be a caregiver but now I'm having a hard time finding a new job
All of my references are dead
I should be a part-time philosopher
I'll only work on days that end in "why"
The hokey pokey can be tough the first time you try it
But eventually you turn yourself around
It will be a roar of a time
What do you call a tyrannosaurus that rocks?
^T-ROCKS
There's no worse time to be a chauvinist than the present
At midnight it will officially be Ramones time.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that’s all in the past now.
The Hammer Time dance should be considered a ball room dance.
Next time this will be my order in bar for this year
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.
Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.
If a vegetarian eats non vegetarian food for first time, he would be loosing his vegenity.
My horoscope said my heart would be broken in 12 years time.
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up !
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time
It had cutting edge technology
Be careful when you book your family camping trips; my wife was menstruating last time, and she couldn't enjoy herself at all...
... It certainly was an in tents period.
A drug addicted midget is the only thing that will always be both lower and higher than me at the same time.
Setting my heights real low on this one guys. Lol
Trees must be really releafed during the spring time.
DadProTip: When you back out of a parking space, be sure to say "Thiiiis takes me back" every time your kids are in the car.
I broke my hand last week, at the hospital thinking it was permanently damaged, I asked the Doctor if I’d be able to play guitar. He replied “Yes, after you’ve taken time to heal”
I was ecstatic, I’ve always wanted to know how to play.
What to text when you're not going to be on time...
Name something that can be both sexy and scary at the same time.
First time poster be gentle. If this is in here somewhere I’m sorry.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
The ice age would be the coolest time to be alive.
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
My Life has been nothing but a disaster and if Just One More Thing fails for me, I think it'll be time to call it Quits.
Hmm...my racehorses really do have some strange names.
I will be flying for the first time so I looked up different airlines. Can anyone tell me if I should go with this airline?
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