So after winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV…

Apparently that’s considered to be unacceptable in bowling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okiedokie2468
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2022
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What do you call the German game where you throw bread at each other?

Gluten-Tag

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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150 Elephant Jokes

This is a compilation from the internet, and a few I made or heard myself. Hope you laugh!

^((Elephant Jokes were a thing from the 1960s. You can read about them on Wikipedia.))

^((Each section should be read all at once, in order. Some sections also reference previous sections. ))

Mouse

Q: Why did the elephant run from the mouse?

A: Because it had a bazooka.

Q: Why did the mouse chase the elephant?

A: To steal the bazooka.

Toenails

Q: Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?

A: So it could hide in a cherry tree.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

A: Works, doesn't it?

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is hiding in a cherry tree?

A: Tickle the cherries and see if they laugh.

Q: What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

A: A giraffe eating cherries.

Q: How can you tell if there have been elephants in your fridge?

A: There are footprints in the custard.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails yellow?

A: That's not paint, it's custard.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red, blue, green, orange, yellow, and brown?

A: So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

Q: How did the mouse break his back?

A: He tried to carry a bag of M&Ms home from the store.

Oak Trees

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?

A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?

A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 1 and 2 in the afternoon?

A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the oak tree fall down?

A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: Why is it dangerous to walk in the forest between 3 and 4 in the afternoon?

A: That's when the elephants fall out of the oak trees.

Q: What is a furry alligator?

A: A bear that crossed the woods at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Under the Bed

Q: How can you tell if there’s an elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: How can you tell if there's an elephant in your bed?

A: He has a big 'E' on hi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2023
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are doing a tour of an old castle

They notice a sign for the watchtower challenge. They ask the tour guide what it’s about and he says β€œif you can drop your watch from the top of the old watchtower and catch it before it hits the ground, you win a million in gold to take home.” The Englishman goes first, drops his watch and runs down the steps, but he’s got no chance and his watch is completely broken. Then the Scotsman tries: he throws his watch up as high as he can to get more time, but his watch also smashes on the ground. But then the Irishman goes. He drops his watch and casually strolls down the watchtower steps. He goes straight over the road for a couple of drinks at the pub, and plays a game of pool. He then walks back over the road, waits a few minutes and catches his watch. The tour guide asks, β€œhow did you manage that?” and the Irishman says β€œit was easy… my watch is an hour slow.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sourceshrek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2021
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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar . . .

Picture it. June, 1971. London.

Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.

Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil this evening.

Enter King Crimson, their bitter rivals in experimental jazz-fusion symphonic rock.

A chill hits the air, but they manage some level of civility.

Fripp even manages to put aside his seething anger at Lake for defecting to Emerson's new project and stands a round for all.

It's unclear exactly when Hawkwind arrives, but the strained emotions soon give way to genuine cheer and good will.

Lemmy, their basist at the time, could have that effect on people.

Unfortunately, he also later looks directly at Lake, points at Fripp and company and asks, "Waren't you wiv his lot?"

The police report explains that the ensuing fracas lasted for about 30 minutes at caused at least Β£4,500 (Β£56,604.93 in 2021, or $78,480.75) in damages, several broken bones and uncounted stiches.

The scrum finally calms down after Peter Gabriel, who was [throwing darts](https://darthelp.com/articles/the-history-of-darts/#:~:text=M

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RevRob330
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2021
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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What's it with Eminem and Dad jokes?

I mean... just look at those:

- Why has Gwen Stacy been on the web lately?

to spite her man. -River

- Why do you carry a Laptop in your back pocket?

Because rapping like a computer must be in my genes. - Rap God

- Why did Eminem blow?

All he did was throw f-bombs - Rap God

- Why did Eminem buy the rap game a maxi pad?

Because it's having a rough time period. - Rap God

- Why did Eminem look so shocked when he watched a church gathering take place?

He was witnessing a mass occur. - Rap God

- How could Eminem poop Jerusalem?

Because his shit is real. - Caterpillar

- Why is Eminem so ill-behaved?

He's got a couple of mansions, but still no mannors. - Lucky You

And these are just a select few.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenaPhoenix
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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Some of the best from my family

At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.

  • Dad: Don't throw that way; I'll take them home.
  • Mom: Great another of one thousand useless items that'll be on a shelf.
  • Dad: Aaaaw, Honey -- I'd never put you on the shelf.

While watching a baseball game:

  • Mom: Are they "boo'ing?" Nobody "boos" anymore.
  • Dad: Hey can I have a blow job?
  • Mom: Shut up.
  • Dad: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In regards to meatloaf my mother made:

  • Mom: Sorry the meatloaf isn't that good.
  • Dad: It's Ok. But next time try adding some Alpo.

While eating at relatives' house:

  • Mom: Wow. This is really good! We used to eat like this all the time growing up.
  • Uncle: Really? Where I come from we just call it Hamburger Helper.

In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:

  • Me: Did you buy that at one of those special stores you guys got in San Francisco?
  • Grandfather: What?! Of course not! God no - that's not mine!
  • ...
  • Grandfather: It's too small...

When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:

  • Dad: You know, twice, twice! I thought I got it out quick enough but some must have dribbled back inside.

After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:

  • Me: What did she want?
  • Dad: You want the long or the short version?
  • Me: Short.
  • Dad: Nothing.
  • Me: Ok long version.
  • Dad: Nothing much.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_how_it_be
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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My brother just dad joked our dad with one I've never heard

My dad yelled down into the basement where we are watching the Bruins-Canadiens game.

Dad: Hey, are my slippers down there? If they are, can you throw them up?

My brother: Sure, but that'll require me to eat them first!

It made me chuckle.

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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Listening to the radio....

So. We were listening to the Cardinals almost throw a game to the Titans earlier and the conversation went like this

Me: hey dad is this Sirius radio. We have one in our car too.

Dad: no, sometimes it's funny also.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misslehead3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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So after the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd

Apparently that’s not acceptable in bowling

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2022
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After winning the game I decided to throw my ball into the crowd

Apparently that’s frowned upon in bowling

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockneybastard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2022
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You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game?

Apparently that’s not allowed in bowling. I know that now.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
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You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game?

Apparently, that's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.

Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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