How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
Apple announced a new product for wives that helps cope with spontaneous dad jokes throughout their day.
The iRoll
Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!
Some of my pun-tastic Halloween costumes throughout the years: Reverse Cowgirl, Edgar Allan Ho, and Freudian Slip.
I just sold a house with ferns throughout and a safe in the attic
The buyers loved that it was fully fernished with a vaulted ceiling
Did you know that Stalin never said thank you throughout his whole life
That’s because he didn’t speak English
I think when this pandemic is over with, we need to have a day to celebrate truckers, for keeping the country running throughout all this. Maybe October 4th?
Which medieval line of work has been the most let down throughout history?
Could the Uyghurs expand throughout the vast lands of Eurasia?
TV Narrator* This is a mallard. A mallard is a dabbling duck that breeds throughout the world. This one is in search of a mate. A female will lay 8 to 13 eggs.
The sound of him throwing his phone will be hear throughout the universe
Throughout 2019, I have been working on perfecting my eyesight.
The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 king’s day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.
This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.
Photos here:
https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3
Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!
My students spent too much time looking at the clock yesterday, so I put it face down this morning. When the students asked where my clock went, I responded " you guys stared it down yesterday..." 5 seconds later chuckles started popcorning throughout the room.
What’s a good name for “The Wizard of Oz” when it doesn’t stay the same throughout?
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:
Throughout the entire existence of planet Earth
Dinosaurs were known to have the largest mouths before going extinct.
It was truly the epoch of lips before their apocalypse
While my wife was asleep, I painted the seven deadly sins throughout her body.
When she found out, she had wrath written all over her face.
I got in an argument about how long to keep a roast in the oven to cook it throughout.
The whole thing got pretty heated.
I never pooped all throughout junior high...
I was too cool for stool.
To all the youth, the one thing I have learned throughout the years...
Is that I'm older than you.
I've started writing my updates for my team's daily meetings in the form of a nineteen-line poem with two rhymes throughout, consisting of five tercets and a quatrain.
Alas, I'm not a very good poet.
In fact, my manager told me he's never seen such a wretched scribe of scrum and villanelle.
A dad joke that's spread throughout my family...
Me: Banter towards dad
Dad: "Ha! You're funny!"
Me: Inner bliss as my father rarely lets me win
Dad: "...but looks aren't everything."
Me: "..."
I work for a survey company and we're currently doing some surveying for some airports throughout the state
My coworker/good friend of mine works out in the field performing these surveys and for the latest airport job he said to me that this airport is basically dead and that there's hardly anyone there consistently working in the office, monitoring the radio, etc.
So I asked him, "then what does someone do if they're out flying and want to land there... [start jabbing him with my elbow] just WING it??"
I should be ashamed but I'm still laughing at myself. No I am not a dad (technically).
This happened all throughout high school
Me: Dad, have you seen my shoes?
Dad: Is it Tuesday?
Me: ...yeah?
Dad: Not my day to watch 'em!
A few days later, this:
Me: Dad...about to ask where my shoes are, think better of it
Dad: Yeah?
Me: Oh, never mind
30 seconds later
Dad: Oh, Stumbleina?
Me: Yeah?
Dad: Oh, never mind.
AAAGGHH.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
