A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
I told the cop, “You can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 30,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did the air conditioner didn't buy tickets to the Metallica concert?
Last weekend I had tickets to go see Timmy, the Yodeling Shetland Pony.
Unfortunately, Timmy has to cancel. He was a little hoarse.
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why. I mean...
The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking”.
Why did the cow get a ticket?
Because of a mooing violation.
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
I was pulled over with my son in the car for speeding. Got a ticket. Then the officer said I’m free to go.
I replied “actually it cost me about $80”
Why did the noodle get a driving ticket?
Dammit! I know I have that one half of the ticket which shows I paid!
What station did the dog buy a ticket for?
Did you hear about the guy selling fake Wimbledon tickets?
If Tom Cruise and Terry Crews sold tickets for a meet and greet on a Ship headed for Mexico, they'd advertise the Cruise-Crews Cruise to Veracruz.
I bought a movie ticket sitting on the toilet this morning.
I was waiting for IT, number 2.
This man on a shower posts about the people who lost the tickets in the titanic
What animal would get the most J-walking tickets?
A chicken, they are always crossing the road for something.
Why did the Muslim get a speeding ticket during Ramadan?
The cop teared up a little as she wrote out my ticket.
I guess it was a moving violation.
Hey dad, there's an unpaid parking ticket next to you on the front seat
Friend: My mouth burned the whole time cause my dad made me eat this hot pepper in exchange for the show ticket. Wasn’t even a good show.
Me: You just really ate to see it
So I bought tickets to the new football game but my wife is expecting to give birth that evening is anyone interested in being at the birth?
Why did the dog get a ticket?
I bought a raffle ticket for a local fundraiser and won the Early Bird Prize.
Some people see the Donald Trump / Mike Pence ticket as a punishment for America's sins
They say it's our comeTrumpPence.
There was a train officer with an insulin pump handing out tickets at the speed of light.
He was a type 2 superconductor
I got the tickets to a talk show, organised by a group of robbers, at a heavy discount
At the movies, me: Two tickets please!
Cashier: Sure. For the Hobbit?
Me: How dare you, sir! That’s my date!
“Dad, will you pay for my ticket to the renaissance festival?”
“Sorry, son. I’m baroque”
I got tickets to go see Beyoncé the other day
Really excited so called my mate to tell him.
"I didn't think you like that sort of music, but whatever floats your boat I guess", he commented
I replied: "no mate, that's BUOYANCY"!
My dad just walked into the living room and said “I went to buy tickets for Star Wars but all they had were Solo seats”.
Why did the cop let the dry cleaner go without a speeding ticket?
He understood he had pressing matters.
My fondest memories are of all the round trip plane tickets I bought.
The guy driving Elon Musk’s Roadster already got a ticket.
Officer said he couldn’t park in this Space.
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why...
The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking."
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why...
The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking."
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why...
The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking."
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why.
The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking."
Why did the noodle get a ticket?
He rolled pasta stop sign.
Last weekend I had concert tickets to go see Timmy, the Yodeling Shetland Pony.
Unfortunately Timmy had to cancel. He was a little hoarse.
Last weekend I had tickets to go see Timmy the yodeling Shetland pony.
Unfortunately, Timmy had to cancel. He was a little hoarse.
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