Dad spends 35 dollars on tickets for him and his family to see Divergent.
As the group approaches the ticket drop, I hear the dad ask the mom what half of 35 is. She says "17 and half" and the dad gets this big shit eating grin. I rip their ticket stubs and the dad puts on a serious face and says "All right, I'd like $17.50 back please."
The whole family proceeds to groan and tell him to stop as I reluctantly play along and pretend to find some cash.
...and every time someone approached him he repeated "these aren't the seats you're looking for."
She was buying tickets to a show, and the theater is separated into two sections.
Her: "Do you want to sit in the upper or lower section?"
Me: "Top or bottom. It doesn't matter, I'm bi-sectional."
I got a good glare, and a sense that I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight.
We got our tickets and popcorn. While walking to our theater he says, "Guess where we'll be when we finish this popcorn?" Me: "Uh where?" Dad: Bag End.
I work at the local movie theater, and I was selling tickets when:
Dad: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Me: ...? Dad: Tentacles! Har har har!
The year was 2007. The movie Reign Over Me was showing in theaters, so my family made our way down to the theater. My dad moseys his way on up to the ticket counter,
Dad: Can I have four tickets to that show... What's it called... Something about the weather?
Ticket Counter Woman: (blank stare)
Dad: Oh I know, I'll have four tickets to Water On My Head.
Ticker Counter Woman: (more uncomfortable blank staring)
Dad: Oh I'm sorry, I meant REIGN ON ME!
Cue more blank stares from the ticket sales woman.
The fact that I still vividly remember that joke, more than all the others, 7 years later kind of amazes me.