Amusement Today Puns

I reply, "It's Knott."

Kids in unison "Awww."

I wonder if he still said "weeee!", or if he said "meeee!" instead.

It must have been the delivery...

What's the best part about being a unicyclist?

I'm never two tired!

I'm a waitress and this one got dropped on me today when a family of 5 came in. They had previously stated they were in a hurry so brought them the check and said (i should probably mention that I have a very southern accent) 'I know y'all are rushin' so-' the dad cut me off with 'No, we're Americans.' His kids and wife were not amused and I just busted up laughing and high fived him. Anyway, I thought you guys would enjoy it.

My sister was putting my niece down for a nap today, but she was having some trouble getting her to calm down. After a little while of some fussing, my sister came out of her daughters room. I looked up and said "I guess she was resisting a-rest."

My sister was not amused.

Last saturday, I was at my parents' house to watch the game. While my dad and I are watching, my mom is on her laptop looking at trees to plant in the back yard, and constantly asking my dad what he thinks about every species of tree she comes across. Suddenly, my mom's phone receives several text messages, emails, and app notifications simultaneously. My dad looks at her and says, "Well, aren't you Poplar today? Leaf me alone and go check your phone." I laughed my ass off, as did he. She was not amused.

and before getting blood drawn the lady says "I'm Tamera, I'll be drawing you today" which I responded with, drawing me? Where's your pen & paper?

I couldn't keep from giggling Tamera wasn't amused

Happened earlier today, Mom was on the phone trying to set up the direct debit payment with the phone provider.

Dad: "How's it going?"

Mom: "He (call centre employee) says he's going to send me a mandate to fill in"

Dad: "That's fine, but you're definitely not going on any mandate!"

Mother was not amused... I was...

Today, I had my first official Dad Joke and my girlfriend was not amused.

Talking about seeing each other after a few days I was at the coast with some friends

Her: So when are you free?

Me: Well I'm always free since you dont actually pay me heh

Her: wow.. remind me why are we even dating?

I was pretty proud of myself and note this was all through the phone