The only thing Flat-Earthers fear...
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
What's the first thing the taxi driver said to the wolf?
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was, “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
The most important thing to me is my alarm clock
It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning
Good thing there are just the two doors to the US Capitol building
Cause attempted sedan doesn’t have the same ring to it
The interesting thing about stereotypes
You hear them in both ears
The only thing I have planned for today is to get my new glasses.
Then I'll see what happens.
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....
.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"
The best thing to do when encountering a door jam,
Open a nearby door so you can stick it in ajar.
What’s the best thing to wear to court?
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What happens if you don't look at things from the right angle?
You might find find yourself looking at a slippery slope.
I just printed out a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid saying the wrong things and getting into a fight.
As this year is coming to a close, I find myself thinking about all the things I would have done differently.
Seems like I got 20/20 hindsight.
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?
What is the first thing Santa's little helpers learn in school ?
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
I'm writing about all the things I should do before I die
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
Think about all the things that you forgot...
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
The craziest thing about life
Is that it's just ironic without Lithium
The last thing my grandfather said to me before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
If there’s one thing I learned over the years, its this…
When your wife starts a conversation with “Correct me if I’m wrong…” you just smile and agree. Don’t correct her, it’s a trap.
The best thing to do with a crying baby is throw them in the air.
Because what goes up must calm down.
Don't sweat the petty things
Also: don't pet the sweaty things
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
I don't know what decisions the Supreme Court will make in 2021 but one thing is for sure...
A guy walks into a zoo but the only thing in it is a dog
What was the last thing the crossed Goliath’s mind before he died
The only things turkeys are good for
What’s the last thing through a bugs mind when he hits your cars windshield?
"Okay rookie, the first thing you've got to learn about making pornography for the blind is: Voice Projection."
"That sounds hard."
"Thank you. I'm a professional."
The last thing my grandfather told me was “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
The last thing my grandfather told me was “It is worth spending money on good speakers.”
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.
What is the first thing elves learn in school?
What is the first thing a ruler does in a duel?
It sizes up the opponent.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I'm not sure but the flag is a big plus
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
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