The Ark Puns

Flood Lights

Except the worms. They came in apples.

In the Ark Hives.

Rather worried, Noah said “But my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

“No, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

“Then why another ark?” Asked Noah.

“I wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded “Okay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

“But not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied “Uh- okay my Lord.”

“One more thing.” The Lord said unto him “it needs to have multiple levels.”

“Are you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: “I want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

...probably because it was the first Indie film.

Because Noah sat on the deck.

Noah fence.

So Noah asked them, ”Why aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”

Because they could only go in pears

Because Noah was standing on the deck

Credit to my dad who said this 2 seconds ago

...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.

Then he heard something he didn't recognise… a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.

"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"

"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders… so we have to use logs."

A pig fell in the mud. 🐖😑

Also, when we were little and my sister (I'm 29/f, she's 2 years my junior) would cry and scream and beg about not getting what she want, my dad would always ask her "Who built the ark?" That shit always pissed her off and me too sometimes but it's def funny now.

One more from him .. when we go out to eat he always tries to hand us a straw but it's really just the wrapper he made to look like there was one still in there.

My boyfriend: "I mean, Marion got captured because she did NAZI them coming. You get it? She did NAZI them coming. HA. Anne Frankly, I didn't see how you didn't get it. If I keep going this is gonna be holocaustly."

We don't even have kids yet.

In the Ark hives...

It’s the first Indie movie.

Noah was standing on the deck.

Because Noah sat on the deck.

Because Noah was standing on the deck.

Because they had to go in pears.

Floodlights and ark lights.

Flood lights.

After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.

So Noah asked them,”Why aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”