Textured Puns

Guess you could say I’m feeling a little blue

So you feel write at home.

It’s quite well known that the Ancient Greeks championed Hummus Texturality

It's a huge relief

Commercial comes on regarding lighter yogurt, not as thick as Greek yogurt.

Sister: I actually like thicker yogurt so it's not as runny.

Dad: Yeah I don't like runny yogurt either. I can never catch up to it.

And he comes up to me one day and says "Hey Undope! I have this new custard I've been working on, and I think it's my best one yet! Would you like to try it?" And with me being a custard connoisseur, I happily agree, so he takes his sample he has on hand and gives it to me.

I take a bite and take my time, slowly judging the textures and flavors I would expect from a well crafted custard. He becomes mortified as a noticeable wince appears on my face and I struggle a little bit to put down the bite I took.

"Oh my gosh!" he cries. "Do you think it's bad!?"

I shake my head no in response, attempting not to hurt my friend's feelings.

"It's not terrible," I reply. "It's just kinda off-putting."

So as soon as I got home, I flopped onto a couch, and slept for an hour or two with my arm under a textured pillow. When I woke up, the texture left the textured markings on my arm. So I showed my brother, and he said “you have weird sleeping patterns”.

Bartender says “Sure... If you say so. Now please leave.”

Guy says, “No really I can prove it.” *turns to dog * “Dog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes “Roof.”

Bartender says “Very clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?”

Guy goes “No no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?” Dog goes “Ruff.”

Bartender says “This is the last time I’m going to tell you!”

Guy says “Wait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?” Dog replies “Ruth”

Bartender: “Get out! I’m calling the authorities!”

Guy and dog leave.

Outside dog turns to guy and says “Jeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”

It's a nice little place that serves Indian food, and some Canadian stuff, like pizza. We ordered their Hawaiian special, and loved it. I told my wife the texture of the crust lead me to think they used Indian flatbread for it.

She replied "So that is the secret ingredient?"

"Could be," I answered. "But it's naan of your business what their recipe is."

So you feel write at home.

So you feel write at home.