THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.

No change is expected

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πŸ‘€︎ u/junerlegion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Every time I finish my jog, I like to eat a protein bar. Lately, though, I'm having trouble swallowing it

I hope it doesn't become a running gag

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the tornado in southern USA that was swallowing everything in its path?

It was called the VoreTex-as.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deciperer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
my party trick is swallowing two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together....

i shit you knot!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mznalouise22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever since my son started swallowing money

I noticed some real change in him

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wangjawn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.

The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deano3607
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My son used to keep swallowing coins when he was a kid.

I’ve definitely seen some change in him.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad needed the Heimlich maneuver from accidentally swallowing his food after telling a joke at dinner.

Ah, dad chokes.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brenatt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the diagnosis after swallowing too many Christmas ornaments?

Tinselitis.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thumpingplum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
🚨︎ report
"Will I die from swallowing an ice cube?"
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1n9i9c7om
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Which tea is hard to swallow?

Grit-tea! Happy International Tea Day everyone!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillHe_BonkYa
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

My next crap could spell disaster

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingfisher202103
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I once swallowed a book of synonyms.

It’s gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shua_mc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I swallowed a coin by accident

No change is expected

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpiesaus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
If I swallow a magnet...

...I become actractive?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/storm_mc-b
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a grazing cow that swallowed a land mine.

Abominable.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A man was swallowed by a whale.

He ran all the way upto the back till he was all pooped out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I just swallowed a mood ring.

Not quite sure how I feel about it.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.

It takes them too long to swallow their pride.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
why didn't hitlers girlfriend swallow?

she did nazi him cumming

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jjajangbokki
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: β€œHow is the boy who swallowed the quarter?”

Nurse: β€œNo change yet”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My son's a happy boy... I recently persuaded him to swallow a flashlight...

...you should have seen his face light up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kublakhan1977
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?

Inner peas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shuihoppy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My grandson was taken to the hospital because he swallowed a $5 bill

So far no change

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse

Her condition is stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My dog swallowed a bunch of scrabble pieces

When he goes to the bathroom it could spell trouble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed the cat’s pill.

Don’t ask me-ow.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Which kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thishotleafjuice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I swallowed an ice cube the other day

I'm getting worried, I still haven't passed it yet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kentsworthy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If people who speak Spanish and English are said to speak Spainglish.

Do people who speak Spanish and German speaking Sperman?

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?

Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pleing1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Two bears are talking...

Bear1: β€œMan, my stomach is all tied up in knots.”

Bear2: β€œI told you not to swallow that boy-scout whole.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightHaveSharted
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small flashlight

I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnigmaCA
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the hardest kind of tea to swallow?

Sobriety

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noiness420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A string walks into a bar and asks for a drink...

Bartender says, "we don't serve strings here."

The string goes outside, ties himself in a knot, frays his hair.

The string goes back inside. The bartender serves him a drink and says, "hey wait a minute, weren't you that string from earlier?"

And the string says, "I'm a frayed knot!"

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kahnartist81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend gave me advice on what to do if you are swallowed by a whale.

Just keep running until you’re all pooped out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills

No change is expected.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limelight_019283
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My party trick is swallowing two pieces of string and an hour later they come out my arse tied together.

I shit you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell "disaster."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 607
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I swallowed a dictionary today.

It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 410
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbarth09
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.

My next poop could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imnotarobot12764
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed a handful of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was swallowed whole by a whale..

He ran to the end until he was all pooped out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RocksOnReddit924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles…

…my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jusuchin85
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Accidentally swallowed my cats tablets....

Don't ask me-ow.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I once swallowed a dictionary

I had thesaurus throat ever.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mysticdawn158
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I swallowed a bunch of scrabble pieces today.

My next shit could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymoley33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My baby just swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

The next diaper change could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles today..

His next poop could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/niloc12
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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