I once met a girl with 12 breasts. It sounds strange...

Dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devdevo1919
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My vaccine dad joke failed

But it was worth a shot

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balogny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
You know, 5 is very strange

As a number it's quite odd

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryanthedoctor11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I find it strange that reckless drivers...

Wreck more.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supercman99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a strange dream last night that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My strange friend always baits his hooks with okra when fly fishing...

He's really into podcasting!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.

Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This is a little Strange.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
It may sound strange, but my fingers are my most reliable body part...

I can always count on them

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottyharp78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Strange it seems, Alan Turning
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homodemen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Do T-Rex like explosions?

I'm not sure but another dino mite

πŸ‘︎ 303
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iceberger3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I met my wife at a singles bar...

Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.

πŸ‘︎ 481
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
An ice-cream van overturned in our road....

Avoid the area, as it has all been coned off.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't you HATE it when people Capitalize words sTrAnGeLy?

I guess shift happens.

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Vermeer was eerie, Vermeer was strange, he had his own color range imgur.com/gallery/NG4f9NU
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange on DVD, but I declined.

I had Stranger Things to watch.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the flat earther find a strange sense of joy in this pandemic?

. . . . .

All over the world countries are trying to flatten the curve.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_brown_clown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.

I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Strange times are a pawn us
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punnybeings
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.

These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: I saw a woman with 12 breasts

Me: That sounds strange...

Dad: Dozen tit

YOU’RE WELCOME πŸ’‹

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The Mysterious Sound

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.

He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.

He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached to the end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gasballbutsmol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My son wanted to see what would happen if he drank some of his body spray.

Now he speaks with a strange Axe scent.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuhoBuhoGris
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 372
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Just a quick Thank you!

I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beauknits
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.

Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M1ST3RT0RGU3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
When is a door, not a door?

When it is ajar.

(not mine sadly, from Father, Raised by Wolves tv show)

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butterfly506
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?

Buttocks

Source - from the jokes forum.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was going into labor and kept frantically shouting, "Call me an ambulance! Call me an ambulance!"

So I said, "You're an ambulance."

What a strange thing to say

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 679
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t Captain America and Dr. Strange respect each other?

Because there’s no honor amongst Steves.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheXMarkSpot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
This picture is killer
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChompyDino53
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't Apple employees wear dress shirts?

Everyone at Apple hates buttons and holes, that's why they get rid of both on their new products...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayFury55
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was strangely satisfied when I ran over the neighbor's dog with my car...

It hit the Spot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
This sign is strange but I can’t put my finger on it
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSamStudios
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body.

But then I was born.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

β€œYou rotten bastard," says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!”

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
British people look at me strangely when I say "nil."

It means nothing to them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..

..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Four men waiting in the hospital

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

β€œThat’s odd,” answers the man. β€œI work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

β€œThat’s weird,” answers the second man. β€œI work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

β€œThat’s strange,” he answers. β€œI work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. β€œWhat’s wrong?” the others ask.

β€œI work for 7 Up!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Some strange person dumped a bunch of legos on my front door step this morning.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money in the street and then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CormacN
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
This tree has strange looking bear-ies
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deptar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"

What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

πŸ‘︎ 212
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a girl with 12 breasts

Sounds strange, Dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 281
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.

Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremywarne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 251
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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