It may sound strange, but my fingers are my most reliable body part...
I can always count on them
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
If... then...
π︎ 749
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Why does the flat earther find a strange sense of joy in this pandemic?
.
.
.
.
.
All over the world countries are trying to flatten the curve.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
Strange it seems, Alan Turning
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 27 2019
This is a little Strange.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Oct 13 2019
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange on DVD, but I declined.
I had Stranger Things to watch.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 26 2020
There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.
These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 28 2020
Don't you HATE it when people Capitalize words sTrAnGeLy?
π︎ 160
π
︎ Feb 26 2020
Strange times are a pawn us
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 01 2020
This picture is killer
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 15 2019
I was sold on it
π︎ 73
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
Why donβt Captain America and Dr. Strange respect each other?
Because thereβs no honor amongst Steves.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 370
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
I was strangely satisfied when I ran over the neighbor's dog with my car...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
A Vegetarian Claimed to be my Girlfriend
Which is strange because I'd never seen herbivore
π︎ 102
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, βthe more pain you experience, the better you will feel.β
What a strange pair-a-docs.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
This sign is strange but I canβt put my finger on it
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
British people look at me strangely when I say "nil."
It means nothing to them.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
βYou rotten bastard," says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!β
π︎ 34
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas?
Daddy: I donβt know, mate.
Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
π︎ 597
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
I saw a strange picket line on the way home today. The workers were carrying signs saying "WE MAKE TOO MUCH MONEYβ
Then I noticed they were outside the mint.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 13 2019
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 08 2019
What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money in the street and then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
π︎ 69
π
︎ Jul 09 2019
I've been trying to get with a strange woman who lives in a Motel but she's playing hard to get.
Everytime I knock on her door she won't let me Inn.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 15 2019
This tree has strange looking bear-ies
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 28 2019
Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic to have his tooth extracted?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 31 2020
Some strange person dumped a bunch of legos on my front door step this morning.
I donβt know what to make of it.
π︎ 129
π
︎ Feb 10 2019
It has been a bit of a strange day today... First of all I found a hat full of money in our local High Street,
then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
I'm so mad right now. I was gonna buy a Doctor Strange Funko Pop...
But I accidentally bought the Wong one
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jul 23 2019
A man burst into a doctor's office and began asking all sorts of strange questions to the people waiting inside. When the doctor asked him to stop, he didn't. The doctor replied
You're really testing my patients.
π︎ 92
π
︎ Apr 04 2019
My favourite MCU character is Dr. Strange
He has some very good CAPEabilities.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 05 2019
Paddy bought 2 goldfish
His mate Mick visited him.
Mick: "I see you have 2 new goldfish, what do you call them Paddy?"
Paddy: "I named them ONE and TWO"
Mick: "Those are strange names, why did you call them that??"
Paddy: "Well Mick, if ONE dies, I've still got TWO!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
ALWAYS read the label!
Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
Do you know what's so strange. The word vacuum
It's the only word with a double u in it
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 12 2019
Mom: Why is their a strange baby in the crib?
Dad: You told me to change the baby.
π︎ 227
π
︎ Jul 21 2018
Greek philosophers have strange names
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 20 2019
My wife is on a tropical fruit diet and our fridge is full of strange stuff.
Itβs enough to make a mango crazy.
π︎ 373
π
︎ Apr 18 2018
I met a strange man the other day really trying to sell me the health benefits of inhaling helium.
He spoke very highly off it.
π︎ 87
π
︎ Nov 07 2018
All of the Sherlock, or Dr. Strange fans...
Have benedicted to Cumberbatch...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 24 2019
Iβm feline strangely attracted.
π︎ 80
π
︎ Oct 27 2018
I was selected by a prominent judge to dress funny and make strange faces in public. I am not mad, I am justice appointed.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 14 2019
I had a strange dream that a pill turned me into a cat.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 18 2019
If there's something strange, in your neighbourhood...
π︎ 237
π
︎ Jul 27 2017
Is it strange that I still listen to Tom Jones?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 30 2019
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, βIβve always wanted to get a manatee.β
I said, βThank you very much, Iβll have it with milk and two sugars please.β
π︎ 130
π
︎ Jun 04 2018
Hospital Visit
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.
Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 30 2020
A buddy of mine only rents his apartments out to nuns.
Guess you could say he has a Sister complex...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 31 2020
What do you call a bunch of green veggies and Dr. Strangeβs first line?
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 08 2019
Be careful picking strange AirPods up off the street
You might get hearing AIDS.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 27 2019
I'm strangely attracted to geese. There's just something about them, an x-factor. They have a certain...
π︎ 117
π
︎ Jul 17 2017
Is it strange to have a fetish about accomplishing things?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 10 2019
Strange kid grabs my hand. 'Sorry, he says, I thought you were my dad."
"That's ok, I say, I am often a faux pa"
π︎ 33
π
︎ Dec 20 2018
Something strange in this neighborhood (x post /r/MildlyVandalised)
π︎ 42
π
︎ Feb 14 2018
If you thought this year was strange, Iβve got some news for you.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Nov 16 2018
So... A fighter in the coliseum faced a strange challenge...
He was presented a beautiful lady and told he had to kill her with cannibalism. This fighter has a good heart and could never do this, but if he did not oblige than both would die. He beat her to death and fed on the remains. Afterwards, it was revealed that the lady was actually quite evil and murdered children.
The camera pans out, it's Russell Crowe, he is Glad-he-ate-her.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 09 2018
Iβm developing a comic series, and I need a short pun as the title.
This is about a school janitor who murders children at the school he works at, and Iβm looking for either a pun about cleaning or a pun that can somehow tie in murder/violence with cleaning in some way. Strange request, I know.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 22 2020
There are some strange things in the world. But you want to what's really odd?
Numbers that aren't divisible by 2.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Nov 19 2017
I told my wife that I thought that the Grinch's voice was a little strange...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 15 2018
I had a strange dream that I was a muffler last night...
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 26 2018
My dadβs horse grew a horn out of its forehead after it ate this strange mutant maize.
It was a real unique corn.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 04 2018
I found a strange old coin with the faces worn away
I can't make heads or tails of it
π︎ 164
π
︎ Aug 26 2017
My wife has this strange fear of getting stuck inside a revolving door.
I said, βDonβt worry. Youβll come around eventually.β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 02 2018
Strange talent: I can predict the future by smell
they call me Nostrildamus
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 15 2018
Found A Strange Name...
Nice to meet you, "Hate You Company!"
https://www.reddit.com/r/Rainbow6/comments/9ratic/ubisoft_im_hate_you_company_im_waiting_for/e8feb5j?utm_source=reddit-android
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 25 2018
My uncle was killed by a man with a metal leg joint, which was strange because he had always wanted one.
But I think he would still appreciate the iron-knee
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jul 24 2017
New houses without toilets are strange...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 10 2018
SherLocked
π︎ 248
π
︎ Mar 18 2019
A mountain climber had recently set the world record for climbing a mountain with a strange name
He was at the peak of productivity
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 27 2018
I was awoken last night by a strange, "cluck cluck cluck" sound and feathers falling on my face...
Must have been a poultry-geist...
π︎ 66
π
︎ Oct 31 2017
Doc Visit
When Dermatologist finishes looking me over, he asks if anything strange was on my penis. ( I was wearing undies). I said " once in awhile the wife"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
I had this strange out of body experience I was a plumber then I suddenly woke up.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 07 2018
So I know of this mall that uses animal employees...
I was walking along the food court when I saw this one animal that was incredibly overdressed compared to the others. While most where in their uniform, this one was in a red and gold robe, and was strangely being followed by a bunch of Buddhist monks.
I asked one of the customers if it was an Alpaca Packer.
They said no.
It's the Deli Llama.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
"You're breath-taking"
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jun 28 2019
When Dr Strange made illusions of himself in Infinity War,he became....
Dr Strange(r)s...
Youβre welcome.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 11 2018
My son asked me, βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β I said, βGo on, then.β He shouted, βNOT THE KRYPTONITE!β I laughed, βThatβs Superman!β
He replied, βThanks dad! Iβve been practicing a lot!"
π︎ 745
π
︎ Feb 01 2019
Strange.
I find it strange that blind people walk their dogs so much.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 15 2018
Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought to myself, βThe streets seem strangely dessertedβ¦β
π︎ 183
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 255
π
︎ May 16 2019
Fingers
It may sound strange, but my fingers are my most reliable body part...
>!I can always count on them... !<
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
π︎ 67
π
︎ Mar 18 2019
It's been a bit of a strange day...
...First I found a hat full of money...Then I got chased down the road by an angry man with a guitar?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 16 2019
My wife asked if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange on Netflix.
I said, βNo. I have Stranger Things to watch.β
π︎ 59
π
︎ Mar 01 2019
My wife asked me whether I want to watch Dr. Strange on Netflix.
I told her no. I had Stranger Things to watch.
π︎ 307
π
︎ Sep 17 2018
My daughter screeched, βdad, you havenβt listed to one word Iβve said, have you!?β What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jun 02 2019
My wife asked me whether I wanted to see Dr. Strange with her.
I said, βNo. I got Stranger Things to watch.β
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 07 2019
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
π︎ 71
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, βIβve always wanted to get a manatee.β
I said, βThank you very much, Iβll have it with milk and two sugars please.β
π︎ 81
π
︎ Mar 25 2018
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals when she said, βIβve always wanted to get a manatee.β
I said, βThank you very much, Iβll have it with milk and two sugars please!"
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jun 25 2018
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, βIβve always wanted to get a manatee.β
I said, βThank you very much, Iβll have it with milk and two sugars please.β
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jul 27 2018
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