I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.

They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tayrog77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Last night, there was such an amazing stand-up comedian at the party that we decided to raise our glasses filled with alcohol to praise him.

Our spirits were lifted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MokshK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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You are watching a stand-up comedy and suddenly the comedian sits down

Its a sitcom now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/muddubooboo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Before the crash, I use to be a a pretty good stand up comedian

Now I'm a sit down comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sparky_
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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What do you call an Arab stand-up comedian?

Mohahamed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sythek
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Did you hear about the Pizza Hut driver that tried to be a stand up comedian?

His jokes were terrible but his delivery was spectacular.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riptide747
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I used to be a stand up comedian..

but then I sat down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldDeerDude
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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They laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a stand-up comedian...

Well they’re not laughing now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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What do you call a stand-up comedian who’s taking a crap?

A sit-down commodean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottzee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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TIL: John Wilkes Booth was one of the greatest stand up comedians of history.

I heard he really killed at Ford’s theatre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
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I just watched a stand-up comedian doing a long unfunny bit about fonts. reddit.com/r/3amjokes/com…
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Somewhere there's a comedian doing a stand-up routine entirely about his own life and it's called his....

Selfish Schtick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joecalderone
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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My wife jumped out of bed because she thought of a great dad joke to tell me

She’s a stand up comedian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/recently74
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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A dad takes his son to a comedy show

The comedian tells a joke about how its good to be loyal and able to be trusted

The dad looks at his son after the joke and says β€œnow thats a stand up guy”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wazuu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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