I think itβs so important to keep speeches short and meaningful, I just stand up and say plethora
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 07 2020
The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.
Really brought a tier to my eye.
π︎ 6
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︎ May 01 2020
I've seen most of the speeches that the Pope has made and they always seem rather pompous.
He's always pontificating...
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 05 2020
The person who proof-read Adolf Hitlerβs speeches was a grammar nazi.
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 11 2019
What do politicians wear to give their agenda speeches?
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 21 2019
If you were the editor of Hilter's speeches...
You'd be a grammar nazi...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 17 2019
Cowboy tames wild female horses with very, very long speeches.
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 01 2017
At what piece of furniture does the Silence of the Lambs villain deliver his speeches?
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 01 2015
I always dedicate my speeches to my dad, a roofer...
...so father, if you're up there, please listen to this.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jul 03 2015
Should've becareful of your speech
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
Ah, the classic bubble speech
π︎ 25
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︎ Apr 29 2021
The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.
He was protesting against violins in schools.
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︎ Apr 27 2021
The second COVID vaccine causes a speech disorder in Spanish speakers
They keep asking for dose dos
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Who gave that boring speech, they asked. I admitted it was meh.
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 04 2021
You know how Russia doesnβt like free speech.
They just wonβt be Putin up with it!
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 19 2021
A child with a speech impediment is dressed as a pirate. A man asks what are you. He says he is a birate. You mean a pirate? Yes a birate. Oh well then where are your buccaneers?
On each side of my buckin head you buckin idiot!!
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I was recording my wifeβs speech at her parentsβ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now Iβll never hear the end of it.
π︎ 39
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︎ Sep 10 2020
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I support free speech
Nobody should have to pay to talk.
π︎ 37
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︎ Aug 11 2020
HOT TAKE: burned the thit out of my mouth
I hate japaneth alcohol
^^^submitted ^^^with ^^^Google ^^^Speech ^^^to ^^^Text
π︎ 2
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︎ May 20 2021
My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasnβt allowed to give a speech at the reception.
They knew heβd give a French toast, and they said it wasnβt worth the pain.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Did you see Trump's speech last night?
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
π︎ 231
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︎ Feb 05 2020
Today's the day I bring my Son to weekly speech therapy..
.. easier done than said.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because then it would be "darc"
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 16 2021
My dad gave a speech at my big sisters wedding.
He had my sister put a hand in, her husband put his hand on top of hers, then she put her other hand over his, then his other hand over hers. Then he told her husband βThis is the last time youβll ever have the upper handβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.
π︎ 33
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︎ May 29 2020
What do you call a PokΓ©mon with a speech impediment?
π︎ 6
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︎ May 27 2020
Why is sign language more effective than regular speech?
Because actions speak louder than words.
π︎ 19
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︎ Apr 10 2020
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.
He said she would be really good at stump speeches.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Why wouldnβt bootleggers work with anyone who had a speech impediment?
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 06 2020
I was trying to emulate the Easter bunny.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Apr 07 2020
"Welcome back, everybody" is apparently not a good way to start your speech
if you're the best man at your buddy's second wedding.
π︎ 162
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︎ Jun 19 2019
Did you hear the Trump administration is thinking about making it illegal to sell pre-shredded cheese?
Apparently they want to make America grate again.
π︎ 360
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
What did Mike Bloomberg do after the speech on dropping out of the presidential race?
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 04 2020
My father had a stroke last night. While he was in his bed in the ER with slurred speech and half his face paralyzed, the nurse comes in and asks, "So, what brings you here tonight?"
"The ambulance", he says.
π︎ 767
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︎ Apr 17 2018
Had my best man speech for my best friends wedding yesterday and I finished with a great one
"Well this has been a really emotional day, gosh...even the wedding cake is in tiers." Got lots of heavy sighing, laughs and tons of boos....I was very happy with the reception
- thanks for the upvotes! Never thought I'd see the front page, it's been a pun-ishing wait to get there
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Aug 01 2016
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
π︎ 157
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︎ Aug 13 2020
My friend with a speech impediment got arrested for drug peddling.
He really made a meth of himself
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 23 2019
When I win the nobel prize, this will be my speech:
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side; my hips, for never lying; my legs, for always supporting me; my fingers and toes, for I can always count on them
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 02 2019
Say what you want about freedom of speech....
π︎ 45
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︎ Dec 31 2018
I just want to give a shout out to sidewalks
For keeping me off the streets
π︎ 451
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︎ Apr 15 2020
You know thereβs a name for when parrots mimic human speech
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 09 2019
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